Frankenstein lurches back of the line
at the Critters’ Advice Bureau just before nine
behind Dracula in shades and a tatty black wrap
cursing in Transylvanian on his pay-as-you-flap
Swamp Thing, The Ghoul, Golem, Orc
the terrible queue spilling out along the sidewalk
Has anyone seen The Invisible Man lately?
The Leprechaun channeling Michael Flatley
as he tries to cheer them up with his crazy dances
along the ghoulish queue as it slowly advances
and lift their spirits as they wait to be assessed
but even though he does his best
and stamps and taps like a sprite possessed
everyone’s just too monstrously depressed

And the people passing can easily tell
the monsters really aren’t doing that well
The Boogeyman’s blanket is full of holes
The Mummy’s supplementing with toilet rolls
Slenderman shows Skeletor the gap in his pants
Zombies stagger in a benzo trance
Medusa’s got plastic snake extensions
Bigfoot’s suffering fur retention
on Mondays Dr Jekyll has CBT
(Mr Hyde every other week consecutively)
The Werewolf’s growling his four paws throb
from his zero-hours Just Eat job
and they make applications but all draw blanks
and live on what’s given to the community blood banks
and the only thing to lift the grim routine
is the thought that soon it’s Halloween