The Racketeer, 1929, dir. Howard Higgin. Watched on YouTube so you don’t have to.
I’m taking a break from my usual sci-fi or hammer horror excursions and going for an ancient gangster movie. Why? God knows. This one’s shot in 1929, just when the talkies were coming in. So expect lots of speckly shots and speaking into hats. With gunfire.
Carole Lombard is in this pic. The only things I know about Carole Lombard – other than that she was a famous movie star in the 30s and 40s – was that she was married to Clark Gable and she died in a plane crash. Although those two facts are, as far as I’m aware, completely unrelated.
So. To the movie theatre. Just time to smoke about forty Camels as we take our seats, remove our hats, and settle down to watch…
The opening credits, which look like a gravestone. Bodes well. A 1920s style orchestra playing at crazy 1920s volume.
As the music plays (like the conductor is using a mallet), we get a shot of the harbour, then a shot of the docks, then a shot of the city – each view merging into the next in a slow wipe like someone rolling a glass rolling pin across the screen. Which – for all I know – they were. This was probably the CGI of its day. Cutting edge. It makes you feel like you’re suffering from something neurological. Which – for all I know – you are.
Cars like crates on wheels negotiating the pedestrian free New York streets. The orchestra is completely frantic at this point. Wow! Cars! In the STREET! (Thank god they didn’t see a Tesla)
Nauseating wipe to: a busker in a three cornered hat (out of work pirate?) playing the violin outside City Hall or some such bullshit. Four youths in hats that make them look like mushrooms surround the guy. I think what they’re saying is that they think his playing is lousy and he should beat it – but whether because the film’s degraded or whether because they actually DO talk in a kind of sonic mush, it’s hard to tell.
A cop appears from the shadows (this is officer Mehaffy: 99% grimace / one percent ham) – tells the mushroom kids to scram. They DO scram (but only to a nearby doorway). I would scram too if Mehaffy asked me (to somewhere MUCH further away, like the 21st century). The violinist doesn’t stop playing. Mehaffy holds his arm and tells him to go home. The busker doesn’t answer. ‘Where do you live?’ asks Mehaffy. The busker breaks down under questioning and collapses into Mehaffy’s arms (which is dangerous, as he’s carrying a nightstick).
Mehaffy props the busker up against the lamppost and keeps him there with the point of his nightstick.
‘I’m talkin’ to yas!’ he says. Which is an early form of first aid, I think.
Meanwhile, a guy in a white hat (this film is all about the hats), steps out of a cab.
‘Ah that’s alright, keep it!’ he says to the cabbie. The white hat guy has got a prominent pout, like someone just asked him to add two and two and he’s worried he’ll run outta fingers.
Another guy in a white hat gets out of another cab. This guy also has a cane, which is fascinating. The guy in the white hat with the cane (I MUST learn their names soon) tells the cabbie to wait. ‘Yes boss,’ says the cabbie. (so let’s call him The Boss. No – not the cabbie. The man in the white hat with the cane. Please concentrate).
These two hats – sorry, boss type guys – saunter over to where the cop is torturing the busker against the lamppost. Mehaffy salutes the boss man whose name is Mr Keane (easy to remember – Keane / Cane). Mehaffy tells Keane he was going to arrest the busker for vagrancy. Keane stuffs 50 dollars into the busker’s top pocket. ‘You can’t arrest him now. He’s practically a millionaire!’
Keane tells Mehaffy to call the busker a cab and take him to the Ritz. Or maybe the YMCA. He wouldn’t want the busker’s friends at the Ritz to see him like this. All in all it seems Keane has a big heart, and maybe a gammy leg from kicking people to death.
The cab Mehaffy calls (which doesn’t even sound like English) already has a woman in the back. It looks like she knows the busker, because she jumps out and starts shaking him by the lapels. ‘Tony! Tony!’
She turns to Mehaffy.
‘He gets like this sometimes.’
Mehaffy doesn’t think twice. He helps her chuck him in the cab, slams the door after them. They take off. Or scram. Or something.
This whole scene is witnessed by Keane and the other white-hatted guy, standing on the club steps.
‘Can you beat that?’ says Keane, trying some acting for a change.
The other guy looks down at him, smiling like the brain op wasn’t the success everyone hoped. After about five minutes he says ‘The Ritz, huh?’ and doesn’t blink.
After a respectful pause they go into the club.
NOTE: the soundtrack is so crackly it’s like they recorded the film in a rainstorm. It’s making me weirdly sleepy. I’ll have gangster dreams at this rate. Me on the sidewalk playing the violin. Getting bundled into a cab. The Ritz, huh? Wake up sweating.
Keane hands his cane to the porter.
‘Anything for me, Martin?’
‘Two gentlemen to see you.’
Keane looks at Gus. They both nod.
We’re getting the full gangster experience with this film.
Keane gets handed a telegram. It takes him about a minute to open the damned thing, but I’m the same with email attachments, so fair play.
Gus stares at him with the adoration you only see in boxer dogs and lobotomised construction workers.
‘There’s a second shipment coming over the river,’ says Keane, heavily. Then… ‘He’s through!’
(Blimey! What would his reaction be if a second shipment WASN’T coming over the river…)
‘Take care of that’ says Keane, handing Gus the telegram.
‘Okay,’ says Gus. (I’m expecting him to eat it).
Keane stands in front of a display of flowers and uses them to fix his hair (although to be fair there might be a mirror just beyond it).
Keane leans in to smell the flowers. So he’s a florist gangster. Sweet.
‘Bernie Weathers in there,’ says Gus. (What? The flowers?)
Keane puts a flower in his buttonhole. A tiny one, though. He has a reputation to uphold.
‘Is The Rat in from Chicago?’
(If I was a gangster I wouldn’t want to be known as The Rat. Johnny Fingers, maybe. Scarface, yes. The Rat – not so much. It’d be a toss up between The Rat and Why-Doncha-Shoot-Me-In-The-Face-Now).
So that’s The Rat and Bernie Weathers waiting to see them next door.
Cut to: Next Door.
ANOTHER man in a white hat with a cane, sitting anxiously in a chair. I’m guessing they all go to the same hat n’cane shop. With a discount. There are a couple of other Gusalikes in the room, all of them swallowing drily, like they’ve never seen Keane with a flower in his buttonhole before and it’s making them nervous.
One of them puts out his hand to shake, but Keane limps past him. Keane has taken a nice cigar out of a box (I’m only guessing it’s nice; I don’t think Keane would smoke a nasty cigar. He may be a vicious psychopath but he’s not cheap).
Keane ignores all the hoodlums in the room (I hope they don’t mind me calling them hoodlums – it’s a term of affection). He has a tough guy conversation with Gus about certain persons leaving New York to go to Chicago, and what would certain persons make of certain moves such as this, etc, sniffing the cigar before deciding where to shove it.
‘You’re getting thin, Rat. Chicago picks it off your bones, doesn’t it?’
‘Don’t give me up now’ says the Rat.
‘Give you up? I’ve got five grand sunk on you…’
Some of the goons (I hope they don’t mind me calling them goons…) drag The Rat away, sobbing. (The Rat is sobbing, not the goons). Keane puts the cigar in his mouth and Gus hurries over to light it. Although I’m surprised they trust him with matches. As it is, It takes about an hour. The other white hatted cane guy is watching all this nervously. This guy turns out to be Bernie Weathers.
‘Hello Bernie!’ says Keane, walking over as easily as a cowpoke with rickets.
He starts playing with the front of Bernie’s jacket, flicking the tie, bunching up the lapels, all the while puffing on his cigar. Is this supposed to be sexy? Because I’m getting hot as hell…
‘It’s an imitation!’ he says finally.
Saying that to a gangster is worse than shooting them in the nuts. Things are gonna get ugly.
‘Listen! Lay off that bank job you’re framin’!’ says Keane, stepping up nose to nose (or nose to chin – he’s a bit shorter than Bernie Weathers).
‘I cooked it up! It’s my own job!’ says Bernie. He tips his head back to articulate each word like his head is hinged at the neck. Which, of course, heads often are. But not that much.
‘Your mobs been runnin’ mad for a whole year now!’ growls Keane. ‘I’m tellin’ ya to lay off! Now get out!’
Bernie stands there a minute or five, then slowly turns and lumbers out. This film is an hour and five minutes long; I swear a full twenty minutes is just Bernie Weathers turning and leaving the room.
But no! He’s only just gone to fetch his hat. He saunters back with it, cool and slow as a glacier. A glacier with a cane and an attitude.
Gus nods him towards the door.
A phone rings.
It’s the director.
Get that talentless hay rick off of the set! He’s suckin’ the air right outta the place…
But actually Keane answers the phone. ‘Oh! Hello Commissioner!
There’s a pause of about three weeks as he waits for the Commissioner to speak.
‘What… from right outside police headquarters!’ says Keane. Then pulls a smile like he’s having an aneurysm. ‘Why you’re kidding, Commissioner!’ he says.
To paraphrase, someone stole a blue car from outside the HQ. Keane apologises.
He sends Squid to sort things out. Squid is either a chauffeur in a suit covered in buttons or he’s a target covered in bullet holes. Either way he looks like Mark Wahlberg, which makes Mark Wahlberg about two hundred years old. But he drinks a lot of protein shakes and works out, so…
Keane turns to Gus.
‘Now! You can come upstairs and give me a rub-down!’
(1929 was before the Hayes Code, I think).
Cut to: An invitation card to a benefit for the St James’ Orphanage. We stay on the card for a while, probably because they’re allowing for all the Gusses in the audience. Or maybe gussets.
The invitation says the benefit starts at 9, which is late for me and why I cried off. That and what happened to The Rat.
Cut to: everyone in the hotel casino. Dressed like the 1920s, which indeed it was.
Two old girlfriends greet each other.
The blonde one is called Lily, probably because she’s white, and arch.
‘Darling!’ says Lily. ‘It’s JUST like Monte Carlo! Absolutely!’
‘I do hope you lose all your money, Jack!’ says the other one, a sheer, dark haired woman who wouldn’t look out of place wrapping a fly with her back legs.
BTW: Jack has one of those moustaches that looks like a fish is hiding up his nose.
‘I have a perfect system for losing!’ says Jack. Jack is an ABSOLUTE egg, already half cut on bootleg gin.
Spiderwoman excuses herself and leaves.
Jack tells Lily that this benefit has been laid on by Keane – who’s over there.
Lily is fascinated.
‘Lead me to him!’ she says.
And a minute later she’s dragging him away to play poker.
Meanwhile a cab pulls up outside and Carole Lombard gets out. Her name is Rhoda Philbrooke and I thank Wikipedia for that. Rhoda pays the cabbie 65 cents, which was a downpayment on a house in those days. She hurries inside.
Rhoda causes quite a stir when she appears at the door. This party is about to get started (but don’t tell Gus).
Spiderwoman goes over to her, spinnerets sparkling.
I have to say, Rhoda looks fantastic in profile. Very intense. But she’s helped in this by standing next to a straight-back zombie in a tux. Roda is wearing so much eye shadow she looks like a raccoon. But a damned sexy raccoon, in a simple black dress and a hairstyle so lacquered it looks like a swim hat.
Spiderwoman persuades Rhoda to come and play roulette because she was always so good.
‘Oooh – I don’t know!’ says Rhoda. But walks over anyway. So that’s her gambling addiction back on stream, then.
Everyone really has it in for Rhoda Philbrooke. I wonder what she did? (Apart from clean up on the roulette tables).
‘When you think of what she’s been through…’ says Lily.
‘You mean what her husband went through,’ says someone else.
‘She went off with that mad musician…’
‘I hear she’s been practically penniless…’
‘Well I think she’s the bravest woman I ever heard of…’
Spiderwoman takes Rhoda over to the card table where Keane and Lily are playing.
She buys fifty dollars worth of chips and they start.
MONTAGE: of different cards Rhoda has in her hand. All of them good (I think. I get lost playing snap).
Keane lets Rhoda know he knows it was her with the busker and the cab (don’t ask how – or to explain what I mean)
Rhoda looks straight at the camera with those burning raccoon eyes.
MONTAGE continues – Rhoda piling up the chips.
Rhoda plays a big hand – then when someone spills a drink and causes a distraction, switches a card so she’ll have a better hand. Keane notices but doesn’t say anything. Rhoda gets confronted but Keane swaps a card so it looks okay. He’s saved her! But why…?
Rhoda takes her winnings and goes. Keane watches her with glittering eyes (but not quite so glittering as spiderwoman’s spinnerets).
Keane nods for Gus to follow Rhoda. Although I’d think you’d need to rope Gus to Rhoda and even then he’d lose her.
Cut to: daytime. Mehaffy on the street using a phone inside a lamppost.
‘Send me a wheelchair!’ he says. ‘That’s all a guy can use on this beat!’ Not sure what Mehaffy means, but he seems happy with it. He hangs up, says ‘Yeah!’ and looks around in a very self-satisfied way.
He sees Keane arrive in his car. Mehaffy wanders over. Sells Keane some tickets to a cop benefit. ‘Don’t you cops do anything other than dance?’ says Keane, giving him a thousand dollars.
Keane goes inside. Mehaffy goes over to Keane’s car. Squid is the driver. They chat. The Jurassic era comes and goes. I grow a beard.
Mehaffy asks Squid about his memory.
‘Whaddy mean?’ says Squid.
‘Do you remember about an old flophouse bum who got bumped off about a coupla months ago?’
Squid doesn’t remember.
‘Somebody leans on this old soak’s head with a beer bottle.’
‘Oh THAT murder! Sure. Sure. I remember reading about it in the papers.’
(David Mamet hadn’t been born yet, don’t forget)
‘Yeah? What paper?’
(This scene goes on and on without any apparent point or aim. Maybe it is by Mamet)
Mehaffy says the cops found fingerprints on the bottle.
‘What’s that got to do with me?’ says Squid, looking as desperate as the audience, I’ll bet. Although this is 1929. So they’re probably just happy having something to watch while they smoke.
‘I’m just tellin’ ya!’ snarls Mehaffy. ‘What does it get me if I turn in the guy that done it? I’m just talkin’…’
‘So why you tellin’ me then?’ says Squid.
‘I just wanted to see how good your memory was,’ says Mehaffy.
OMG – I’m tempted to reach through the screen, grab his nightstick and knock myself unconscious.
‘Someday I’m gonna ask you a question…’ Mehaffy goes on. ‘If your memory’s good about what I wanna know, my memory’s gonna be bad about that beer bottle. If your memory’s bad, mine’s gonna be good…darn good.’
‘Alright. And what then?’
‘And then I’m gonna find that beer bottle. Somebody’s gonna sit in the big chair up the river…. I gotta hammer the ol’ beat. So long, Squid’
(Seriously?)
I hope we meet Mehaffy again later. Just not too soon. I need to up my medication.
Cut to: Rhoda smoking on a lounger at home. She’s really going for it. In fact, there’s so much smoke maybe she’s not just smoking maybe she’s on fire. But I’m guessing she wouldn’t look so wistful if she were ablaze, so let’s go with smoking.
Keane is on his way over. Squid’s driving him. They may be some time.
Tony is sick in bed. (Rhoda is married to Tony, who as well as being a gifted violinist is also a gifted lush). He calls to her. She rushes in to stroke his forehead.
‘Give me a drink!’ he says.
‘No darling’
‘Well then get me my clothes I’ll get it myself.’
He’s raving.
He says she must give up on him. He should’ve killed himself a long time ago. Rhoda says she can’t bear to see him like this.
‘Get me a drink!’
‘No dear!’
‘Then get me Revere 3311. He’ll know’
He says it’s the doctor. Hmm.
Rhoda dials the number.
Can I just say I think her dressing gown is extraordinary. The sleeves are the biggest part of it. Maybe when she’s finished calling she’ll jump out the window and fly to Brooklyn.
There’s a knock at the door. It’s an early form of talking email – a messenger in a pillbox hat. He downloads by hand to Rhoda an envelope with an ace of spades in it. Sent by the man down in the lobby – who’s now actually standing right behind him.
Keane. He made it. Well done, Squid.
‘I have to see you again,’ says Keane. (To Rhoda, not the messenger boy).
‘Just a moment’ says Rhoda. She picks up some boxes for a bit of a tidy up.
Keane doesn’t seem to mind (although he certainly doesn’t HELP).
After a minute they stand toe to toe to have a VERY long conversation that maybe Mehaffy might enjoy but for the rest of us it’s a kind of unholy scripted torture – only survivable because the film has degraded and it’s like watching two robots slug it out in a shower of aluminium rain. The gist is that Rhoda won’t have sex with Keane just because he saved her at the poker table the other night; Keane says he hasn’t come for that, it’s just that he can’t get Rhoda out of his mind (I think the buttonhole tipped him over the edge). He wants to help her, no strings attached. He’s got money; it means nothing to him.
The door buzzes. (I’m sure the talking email messenger guy knocked).
It’s the doctor. (It’s 1929; GPs come out to see you five minutes after you ring).
‘Hello Mr Keane!’ says the doc. Except – it’s NOT the doc. It’s a guy who runs a booze delivery service.
Tony runs out of his bedroom, suddenly a lot better.
Keane turns him round, bundles him back to the bedroom and knocks him out with an eerily soundless punch.
Keane calls for a real doctor this time.
‘Apartment A…’ he says.
Fade to: A typed letter from the doctor saying that Tony is better now.
It’s dated August 28, but I’m not sure if that means it was a long or a slow recovery. Let’s go with slow. It’ll give more time for the action to have moved on. God knows we need it to.
In fact – the letter is on screen for so long I’m wondering if the film has seized. I could chisel a letter in marble quicker than that.
Cut to: a couple of people riding a couple of horses. There’s no doubt a quicker way of writing THAT but I’ve been infected by the previous letter and nothing seems easy or quick anymore. Anyway – it’s a rich setting, like a country house. Even the horses are in jodhpurs.
OMG – it’s Rhoda and Keane! Suddenly they’re an item, living it up in the Hamptons. Tony might be better these days but Rhoda is VERY much better.
They park the horses and run inside. Keane chases Rhoda around a fountain. A violin strikes up inside the palazzo or whatever it is.
‘Listen to him play!’ says Rhoda.
Huh? Are they keeping him in a CAGE?
No. He’s playing a Hungarian rhapsody in the drawing room. This looks like a menage a trois – the classic Gangster/Socialite/alcoholic musician triangle.
Keane gets called away by a butler goon to deal with some gangster telegrams.
Rhoda hugs Tony.
‘Oh Tony! I want to cry!’
‘But why?’ says Tony.
‘Oh Tony! Don’t ever ask a woman why she wants to cry. Just let her.’
‘Yeah,’ says Tony, reaching for his violin again.
Meanwhile, Keane is dealing with a strange telegram either written in code about a drugs type murder deal, or ACTUALLY about Aunt Rosie planting geraniums all over town.
Back in the drawing room, the butler goon hands Rhoda a letter (god but there’s a lot of reading to do in this film). Apparently Keane has arranged for Tony to play a recital in a concert hall (although – given the code of the last letter we read, maybe this actually means he’s getting knocked off and thrown in the Hudson).
Gus stands over Keane as he deals with the telegram. Gus is getting worse. When he turns round you expect to see a big key in his back.
Keane has cracked the code. He looks serious, then hands the telegram to Gus to read (hilarious, I know). Essentially, Bernard Weber (remember him? the guy I thought was called Bernard Weather because I couldn’t hear his name clearly and anyway no one wrote it down for me). Anyway, turns out he pulled that bank job and the Commissioner’s making life difficult for everyone.
Keane says they’ll head back to town tomorrow.
‘And Gus? I don’t want to see Bernie hanging around. Anywhere…’
‘Okay,’ says Gus, looking very sinister. Then putting his cigarette in his nose (not really).
Keane goes back in to see Tony, who seems very happy with the concert idea.
Rhoda starts to speak – then hurries away, crying. The two men look helplessly after her.
Just let her cry, boys. Let her cry.
In fact, she cries all the way up the stairs. And there are a LOT of stairs.
‘After this concert I’m going away,’ says Tony. ‘Alone.’
Good job Keane’s wearing jodhpurs at this point.
Crackly fade to:
Rhoda and Keane sitting in the garden listening to Tony play in the house.
(I’m not sure if he’s any good or not. A police car just went by.)
‘When I hear Tony play like that I realise he doesn’t need me any longer,’ says Rhoda. (No, Rhoda. He needs a violin coach).
‘What if I asked you to marry me?’ says Keane.
‘Oh I wish I could say yes,’ says Rhoda.
They almost kiss, but then the sound of Tony’s violin makes her look away.
(If I’d paid fifty cents or whatever to see a gangster movie and ended up watching this, I’d be fixing to break the place up).
Rhoda walks off.
Keane looks miserable.
Same.
Rhoda hangs back, spying on Tony wandering round the drawing room.
(NOTE: Tony looks a lot like Ron Mael from Sparks. But without the interest).
(ANOTHER NOTE: Apparently this film was banned in the UK for a while. No idea why. Too much sap? Anyway, they renamed it Love’s Conquest, and that was okay…)
Back to the action:
‘I’m going on a concert tour,’ says Tony.
‘Isn’t that a little sudden?’ says Rhoda.
‘Well. I must get my public back.’
‘Tony? Keane just asked me to marry him.’
‘Why not?’
‘Could I make him happy?’
‘You could make any man happy.’
‘Kiss me goodnight.’
‘Goodnight.’
Tony walks off.
I guess Rhoda is free to marry Keane, then.
And maybe Keane would be free to get back to his gangster day job.
Meanwhile, Keane is still in the garden, torturing snails or something.
Bored with this, he goes into the house and finds Rhoda emoting wildly on the sofa.
‘Can I help?’ he says.
‘Take care of me,’ says Rhoda.
They embrace, Keane sniffing her hair like it’s a buttonhole.
Cut to: a VERY long piece in a newspaper, the gist of which is that Keane and Rhoda will be married on a boat after going to Tony’s concert.
Honestly – these texts are held so long on the screen it’s almost an intermission. Which – maybe it was. I must’ve smoked a couple of packs of camels in that drawing room scene alone.
Cut to:
Keane checking out the ring he’s bought. Rhoda comes in, dressed in a fox fur. So huge it’s probably a buffalo.
‘I’m doing some shopping,’ says Rhoda. (What – with a TRAPPER?)
Cut to:
The opening shot of cars in New York we had at the beginning. Say – what IS this??
Squid and Gus are pretend driving, following a taxi with Bernie Weber in it. Gus has a box of high calibre flowers on his lap.
They pull alongside.
Gus shoots Bernie with an orchid. Bernie slumps in his seat.
‘Alright. Step on it,’ says Gus.
(I’ve never seen him so focused. He’s in his element. Driving around New York shooting people with flowers.)
Meanwhile, Keane is explaining to Rhoda that he might miss a bit of Tony’s concert as he has some things to clean up.
‘I’ll be nervous,’ says Rhoda.
‘You’ll be just the medicine he needs’ says Keane.
Gus walks in with the box of orchids. When Keane opens the box to give her the flowers he notices the bullet hole.
Keane goes outside to talk to Gus and Squid about what happened. I don’t know why it takes them so long to get the basics out of the way. How Keane ever came to be a crime boss is anyone’s guess. Although if his rivals are people like Gus, Squid or The Rat… meh.
Cut to:
Rhoda and Tony in the green room before the concert. Rhoda is wearing the cordite-fragranced orchids, slung over her left shoulder like a gun belt.
Suddenly Tony grabs her.
‘Don’t leave me! Don’t!’
Rhoda frowns at him.
‘I’m sorry,’ says Tony, backing off. ‘I just couldn’t help myself. Rhoda? I’ll never bother you again.’ (or us, hopefully)
He turns to go but Rhoda calls him back.
‘Darling!’ says Tony.
They kiss.
‘You love me’ says Rhoda. ‘And you would’ve let me go away, loving you…’
And so it drags on. I mean, I’m not a fan of Gus, but I’m itching for him to bust into the green room with an orchid in his hand.
Tony and Rhoda argue about who’ll tell the psychotic gangster that the wedding’s off.
Then Tony gets the call to go on stage.
Cut to:
Mehaffy. (Jesus God no…)
Mehaffy is talking on that secret lamppost phone again.
He learns about Bernie Weber’s murder.
‘Bernie Weber? BERNIE WEBER?’
Yeah. Bernie Weber. Not Weather, like it sounded at first.
Mehaffy closes the box and looks puzzled.
You and me both, Mehaffy.
He sees Squid getting in his car. (Not Mehaffy’s car. Squid’s car).
He goes over there.
(You see! That infinite conversation they had earlier finally pays off).
Mehaffy lays it on thick about Bernie Weber. Talks about the big chair upriver again.
Squid carries on denying it all.
‘So long, Squid,’ says Mehaffy. ‘See you in church.’
The way Mehaffy juts his chin, I don’t think he means an actual church.
Mehaffy walks away…. but then Squid catches him up. He’s gonna talk.
Cut to:
Tony sawing away on stage.
Rhoda backstage, staring at herself in the dressing room mirror.
Keane walks in.
‘Mr and Mrs Keane,’ he says.
Rhoda doesn’t look so sure about that.
Gus is around the back of the theatre, running away from something.
Mehaffy and some other geezers come into the dressing room.
‘I need to see you for a minute, Mr Keane,’ says Mehaffy.
Gus runs in with an orchid off the safety.
Keane stops him shooting Mehaffy but gets pollinated with a stamen right in the guts. He dies in Rhoda’s arms (but at least he was spared being dumped).
Tony is still playing on stage, unwittingly playing the tragic soundtrack to Keane’s death.
As we fade to…
End
…. and that’s it!
So what’ve we learned?
- Flowers are beautiful but don’t point them at anyone.
- Violins are beautiful but don’t ask Tony to play one.
- Don’t call your son Gus. Or Mehaffy. Or Squid. Bernie? Maybe.
- The 1920s might’ve been rough but at least you could get a home visit.
- If anyone changes the name of a gangster flick called The Racketeer to Love’s Conquest – get the hell outta there!