I’m a sad case of extended distraction / inaction in action / a tractor with no wheels and no traction / I’m Jason Statham / on vacation / completely stationary / fast asleep and deep Zee trawling / while the baddies go crazy and kick the door in / driven loco by all the snoring / I’m Parkour with an emphasis on Park / I’m up with the lark / only in the sense that larks sometimes need the bathroom, too / I’m do as I say not do as I doze / I’m dead drunk on the bottom bunk of a booze cruise / I’m Tom Snooze / in Mission Impossible: Early Night Protocol / I’m unco in a Novotel / I’m a double-duvet creature feature / King Conked Out vs. Bedzilla / I’m a chinchilla / with my chin on the desk / so still I’m statuesque  / I’m slo-mo on the go-pro / I’m yes yes to more rest and hell no to Gym Go / I’m an unplugged YawnOMatic / I’m so sleepy I’m problematic / totally static  / I’m bow down arse up like the Titanic / the polar opposite of frantic / I’m zero jolts / silly millivolts / I’m Usain Bolt’s / pumas in a dusty shoe museum / late at night / the security guard grunting & shutting off the light / I’m Sleeping Beauty / wired to beeping computers / in a deep sleep study / where even the scientists are slightly sluggish / I’m drowsy & druggish / I’m REM symptomatic / Jimmy Jurassic / I’m Velocinaptors & Brontosnorus / maybe a T Rex / where T stands for Tired / comically attired / in blue & white striped flannel pajamas / falling asleep in front of a long and unnecessarily detailed natural history programme about alpacas & llamas / A SALUTARY STORY TO END WITH: Dr Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain / booked into a Travelodge / fifteen years later they need a court order to get him out