I. And Jenrick looked upon the water, and saw the refugees in boats. And it did move him to cry out to God that this was nothing to do with him but was all the fault of those lefty lawyers selling passports in the temple. And he didst act up pretty tough about it, although he had nothing really to say and everyone ignored him, for the embarrassment was real.

II. And Jenrick didst produce a big, blue bible with a monogrammed Thatcher bookmark, and he didst read from it on the beach: I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me water, I was a refugee and you banged me up on the Bibby Stockholm.

III. And Jenrick didst frown upon the government’s international commitments, saying: Blessed are those who act justly, who always do what is right. But even more blessed are those who stir up social division for political ends, and sit on their hands rather than do what’s right. And God didst lean in and say Wait…WHAT? But it was way past the seventh day and God was pretty wiped.

IV. And Jenrick didst not invest money into services that wouldst properly process the refugees, but didst divert much gold on cruel and hopeless schemes into the coffers of party donors. And all the talents and skills and energies of the refugees were cast down, and they didst cry out in idleness, and were sore afraid. And Jenrick said tough – if thou dost not like it, thous can fuck off. And God lent in again saying Don’t Make Me Use The Flood Again. And Jenrick didst say Not another climate protester! And he didst arrest God for causing a public nuisance. And God didst sigh and say Jesus Christ I’m sooo done with this shit.