thank you for your call
we are currently experiencing high demand
and it might be better to call back
at another time
alternatively
have you tried divination?
there’s a mountain I’ve heard tell
a cold, faraway place
accessible only by foot
or hardy llama
a monastery there
rickety on a crag
where legend has it
every blood moon
the holy ones stand naked
upon the ramparts
offering their monkish tears
to the Tinea:
giant, moth-like entities
wings shimmering
like silver shrouds
who flap around their pates
uncoiling their proboscises
to sup upon the salty blubber
and thus sated
and the shivering monks
amusingly agitated
grant a singular vision
to the eldest amongst them
who hath done the course
within the last twelve months
and hath a certificate

so

ask them
they might know