wear rubber gloves watching murder she wrote
take a balloon dog out for a float
hit the clubs with a ventriloquist’s dummy
go see tutankhamen dressed as a mummy
climb mount everest in slippers and duvet
present the queen with a barbed wire bouquet
work a week as a labourer for lego
play jerusalem allegretto
march on parliament with a zimmer frame army
make a new hospital outta origami
line the mall with cactus plants
win a staring contest with charles dance
change your star sign by deed poll to gemini
make the o2 into a giant lemon pie
that’s it from me – go make your own story
(but whatever you do, don’t vote tory)