- Drink more water. Water’s cool. Water fills your energy pool. Just think drink – and that drink is water. You’re obviously not drinking as much as you oughta. The human body needs 60 percent. Technically a fire hydrant. If you wanna be fit and animated, strap on a tank and stay hydrated.
- Think positive. Negativity’s provocative. Learn to see the best in people (unless they’re absolutely unspeakable – in which case positively avoid ‘em, while you figure out simple ways to destroy them).
- Dance with abandon a minute a day. Don’t let shopping trolleys get in your way. Dance with bananas, dance with sprouts. Dance as security escorts you out.
- Keep a journal of your thoughts. Use a pseudonym to avoid the courts.
- You do you. Everyone else is taken – true? I know you’ve been getting a little bit stressed – but catfishing’s technically identity theft.
- Walk for half an hour a day. By the end of the week you’ll be miles away.
- Detox relationships, spruce up your spouse. Take a steam cleaner to your friends and your house. Strip things back to the bare essentials. Find a tin for your pens and pencils. Take out the trash with gloves and tongs. Maybe you’ll see where your life went wrong.
- Smile at strangers. Wink and nod. Not your problem if they think you’re odd. Shoulders back, eyes on the level. Whistle like you’re something special. Because feelings follow where actions lead. Success is practically guaranteed. In no time at all you’ll be cock-a-hoop (but no-one’ll sit next to you on the tube).
- Identify goals for the end of each month. Write an action plan over lunch. Take the plan, mail it to yourself. Then stack it with the others on the very top shelf.
- Enrol on a course. Learn to cook. Read a self-improvement book. Take a blood test. Take a break. Get a grip fer chrissakes.
jim clayton 