status update
Author: jim clayton
the online ancient
status updaticus
a look under ye bonnet
mate – I’m afear’d to say this isn’t your week
you’ve had a major seventh seal leak
when I looked down there
I saw ichor everywhere
I’d be hypocritical
if I said your humors weren’t critical
black and yellow bile
splashing over the tiles
absolutely vile
frankly I’m amazed you made a mile
let’s see – what else
your mortal coil needs replacing
two weeks at least for a spare
unless you can shuffle off and get another one somewhere
transmission’s wrecked
God’s divine punishment or miasma I suspect
your clutch sticks
which is not a quick fix
and we’d have to wait till the next eclipse
I’m feeling the urge
to give you a purge
but I’d need your consent
before I vent
erm – oh yeah
your heart’s a non-starter
like you nicked it off an ol’ carter
I ran a series of astrological charts
but we’ll need a lot of fancy spare parts
and this time of year that’s some major black arts
your herbals need a top up
that’s why your levels shot up
anyway – I’d say
you’re be looking to pay
around a sack of groats just to walk away today
(and we can’t start till Monday)
McHenry in: Murder Me Twice
name’s McHenry
jes’ relax
let’s keep it friendly
stick to the facts
facts are fine the rest subjective
I’m not yer priest jes’ a homicide detective
okay? and… stop
jes’ take a breath n’start from the top
what’s yer relation to the deceased?
gimme a crayola sketch at least
uh-huh – em-PLOY-ee
so let’s see
I think I remember yer last CV
drugs, guns, violent scams
drive by shootings in hot sedans
it says here he hired you ‘front of house’
a nice n’sociable gig no doubt
look – Stacks – you know me
if you’re sellin’ a fairytale don’t show me
I jes’ want the truth or otherwise blow me
uh-huh, so we’re clear?
‘cos believe me you have no idea
who it is who’s standin’ here
see this heart? this heart is colder
than a Montana granite city limit boulder
man I’m rougher than a cowboy’s Toyota
kicking up shit in North Dakota
I been round this hell town five times over
so quit tryin’ to play me like a pianola
get back to basics
help get this case fixed
with no spooks in sheets or aliens in spaceships
okay? so who DID this?
I thank ya kindly fer lettin’ me in
cos’ I have to tell ya my patience is thin
thin as the cheap shot noir plot that roped YOU in
now – with apologies if i seem uncouth
but let’s have one more run at the goddamn truth…
jim clayton 