lives of the poets

what you need is an old time poet
with latin and greek who loves to show it
velvet cloak, creaky boots
big slouch hat, musty suits
tragic voice that’s just the ticket
eyebrows like a bramble thicket
who writes all day and goes all night
on moonlit walks round the Isle of Wight
for a nod from the Queen, a purse of guineas
seats on luminous literary committees
at Ulysses’ seat we bow to thee
dead of consumption at twenty three

what you need is a modern poet
in a two tone t-shirt
says
no go mango
shit
fuck
you made me
mother was a
moment
a west beach witch
her
teats
a tethering point
last gasp
gutter gimp
lov-e-lee
KKRRRAAANG
infinite
meal metal
mmmm

love beast trio shocker

King Kong, Godzilla and The Kraken in a throuple
They admit it’s niche but it keeps them supple
The key is planning King Kong explains
and it’s not as tough as swatting planes
I was sceptical at first confesses Godzilla
I was always what you might call vanilla
Kong gets mad when his paws get wet
so we compromise to avoid upset
Mostly we just hang, play with trains,
decimate armies with uprooted cranes
The usual stuff monsters do
It’s just we do it in a three not a two
And the key to their happiness? That’s so tricky!
Kong’s quite hairy! Kraken’s slippy!
Godzilla admits to occasional flaws
sometimes reverts to fangs and claws
but they’re always open and try to talk
forget devastation, go for a walk
meet up for lunch with a hot bus or silo
stomp down the streets of New York or Cairo
Will it last? It’s hard to say
They wasted Acapulco yesterday!
There’s no such thing as a permanent structure
but they definitely feel stronger: paw, claw and sucker

Pilot detective pitches

Raquel et Le Grub
Raquel joins the agency
from the chorus of the Folie Bergere
Grub gets saved from vagrancy
after Ecol Militaire
two Parisian cops at night
punchy, en pointe, pissant
doing their best to make things right
in the arrondissements

Clutterbuck and Piggs
Clutterbuck lives for bourbon whisky
Piggs is a dry ex-monk
Clutterbuck likes things nice n’risky
Piggs reads books in his bunk
Clutterbuck drives a 4 litre Audi
Piggs an 82 Buick
together they keep things real n’rowdy
on the mean streets of New Yuick

Katz and Doug
Katz is a psychic sailor
Doug a retired deputy
together they live in an airstream trailer
in the wastes of Thessaly
they spend their days on ancient cases
Doug using logic and jokes
Katz sees ghosts in unlikely places
in boiler suits and cloaks

Langley and Ylang Ylang
Langley works for the FBI
Ylang Ylang – Versace
Langley uses maths and pi
Ylang Ylang Fibonacci
together they run the numbers game
from Williamsburg to SoHo
and the closing quote is always the same
Are we done here? I should Coco

poem for mrs cox

I love poems
but can’t remember them
like some people do
to quote, on cue
not that you have to
to get a laugh
with a line from Billy Collins or Sylvia Plath
I love to take a dreamy stroll
through Patricia Lockwood or Sharon Olds
John Cooper Clarke, Carol Ann Duffy
brilliant artists, nothing too stuffy

despite all that
I’m just no good at reciting them back

but to be fair
if you stood me on a chair
and said look you just stand there
until you give us some lines
of whatever kind
and if you don’t we’ll FINE you
for all the crimes you’ve
committed against poetry
you say you read it but you don’t actually don’t know any
so – no hurry

then incredibly
you’d see me
close my eyes dreamily
and speak with proficiency
these beautiful lines from Samson Agonistes:

O loss of sight, of thee I most complain!
Blind among enemies, O worse than chains,
Dungeon, or beggery, or decrepit age!
Light the prime work of God to me is extinct,
And all her various objects of delight
Annull’d, which might in part my grief have eas’d,
Inferior to the vilest now become
Of man or worm; the vilest here excel me,
They creep, yet see, I dark in light expos’d
To daily fraud, contempt, abuse and wrong

Mrs Cox taught me that in ’72’;
fifty years later I’m reciting it for you

emergency wot emergency

here they come running for all they’re worth
making progress, selling the earth
military mouths, corporate holler
ignoring warnings, spawning dollar
there’s gold in them thar’ juicy rocks!
so prime the pumps! feed the stocks!
gold tooth flashes, dirty dances
while a distant figure slowly advances
dragging the world in her coal black cape
till you make a hasty excuse and escape
to party on the deck of a flickering liner
run aground on the sandbank of her upturned timer

the trouble with sirens

sirens sit on slippery rocks
singing sweetly in kelpy frocks
their vibe so slick
you feel heartsick
and want to sail there pretty quick
ending up wrecked
dead of neglect
seasalt burns, seagull pecked
(lash yourself with ropes to the mast
carry on sailing safely past)

leaders stand in public view
reading words from an autocue
their schtick so slick
you feel heartsick
turn off the TV pretty quick
ending up cynical
hypercritical
of anyone sounding remotely political
(check the facts, the social environs
vote for genuine people not sirens)

you n’me both

a city whizz with a rampant ego
treats the country like an easy casino
but really what the hell do we know
about those oxbridge, public school pythons
they breed to lead but mostly to siphon
abundant funds from here to the horizon
covered up with sleights n’ tricks
I’m sorry – I don’t do politics

a tailored tyrant with a nanny complex
hale n’haughty lord snooty god bless
suckled on success, dressed to depress
dreaming of kisses and nighty nighty
tucked up tight in good ol’blighty
empire for hire, right n’white
throwing not shade but flagged eclipse
I’m sorry – I don’t do politics

suddenly your business closes
you can’t pay rates the council imposes
in come cuts the government proposes
weep as they weaponise the culture
bleed all public infrastructure
till they send you to war and you’re really fuck’d yeah
how does that all sound to you?
if you don’t do politics, politics does you

who am I kidding

I gave the lawn a generous margin
to make myself a wild flower garden

I mean – sure! all the seeds I scattered
I hadn’t gone out in the wild and gathered

but bought them from a shop online
straight from the store direct to mine

it’s good to buy from a place like that
guaranteed, securely wrapped

on a laptop made from metal and plastic
plugged in the mains, WiFi-tastic

factories, marketing, distribution networks
corporations with extraordinary net worths

the system set, widely dispersed
mission statements well rehearsed

for people who dig unruly borders
to fight against the law n’order

meanwhile

the plants persist: seeds, roots
invisibly beneath your boots
however you dig, the plants know best
moving out slowly beneath the surface
waiting on the moment when
the greening planet is theirs again