CV

peaked too early
went too late
lost it at
the starting gate
blew his chances
luck n’wad
went for the meg with a fishing rod
his journey of a thousand miles started with a trip
his unsinkable plans lost all hands with the ship
a lunchtime Lennon spelled L E M O N
mr drift of the mr men
a tattooed star, a shirk in progress
a defection from the selection process
cometh the hour cometh the meh
and is he happy with that?
I think so.
Yeah

god knockers

A Jehovah’s Witness visited
and though our interest was limited
she politely insisted
on leaving a leaflet
so we could take time and study it
the leaflet was called:
Should You Believe in a Creator? You Decide
with a picture of people on a mountainside
looking up at the milky way
which looked a bit photoshopped but that’s okay
it’s not easy getting a shot like that
especially when you live in a flat
anyway
the JW was okay
seemed friendly
complimentary
(I’m sorry to say we denied her entry)

later I skimmed it
would’ve binned it
rejected it
if the JW wasn’t coming back and expected it

but I did like some of the leaflet photos
like this woman caught in a thinking pose
between someone holding a big black Bible
and someone else with a DNA spiral

with chapter headings like:
What Scientists Cannot Tell Us
or
How Can You Decide?
or
Examine the Evidence
with pictures of comically cosmic events
like lava spilling out of vents
or Adam and Eve in a line with rhinos
(suspiciously CIS but what do I know)

I think the basic thrust of it was
there HAD to be a Creator because
there was such a variety of squids and plants
and things like ants couldn’t happen by chance
all this complexity from one big bang?
the natural world from a perfect blank?
nothing comes from nothing as Shakespeare said
(and would say a lot more but he’s currently dead)

there MUST be a God
atheists are crazy, downright odd

but you see
it seems to me
that whale in the picture doesn’t have a notion
how it came to be arsing about in the ocean
it lives its whole whale life quite innocent
of only eating krill as a heavenly instrument
to the glory of some beardy bloke
who harvests devotion but hates god jokes

so I’m sorry JW, it’s a no from me
to the question you asked so pleasantly
doing your best
on your door-to-door quest
to leaflet and illuminate us
making sense of our place in the universe
but honestly? I find your rubric stifling
(do you want it back or shall I put it in recycling?)

T&Cs

thou shalt not kill
except until
the picture changes
and law rearranges
fighters into terrorists
murderers into specialists
to implement the government’s will

thou shalt not kill
except until
you own the rights
to the skies at night
turning buildings to rubble
without much trouble
into clicks and media thrills

thou shalt not kill
except until
you pass more laws
to draw applause
and politicians sign big cheques
to smoke your cities into wrecks
and people equal landfill

thou shalt not kill
except until
you get pragmatic
add words in italic
*terms and conditions apply
so your planes can fly
and hungry patriots eat their fill

I don’t get it (but they always will)

I don’t understand
why you’d put up your hand
if politicians stand
at a bandstand
and ask for volunteers for the vacancy of DESPOT
I mean that’s just not
something I’d ever wanna BE
it seems particularly WEIRD to me
liking people quaking
when they’re taking
a seat
to sit down to eat
at a banquet in the presidential suite
gaping
at grapes
toasting with the shakes
I mean – how is THAT attractive?
having no trust
in the colonels you’ve cussed
your cabinet a bust
a fervent clergy permanently nonplussed
it’s hardly relaxing
generals collapsing
when you smile
like a child
in their general direction
bodyguards flexing
in brutal suits
as you take salutes
down endless rows of shiny boots
actors tracked down decoy routes
it’s basically wacky
the decor’s tacky
and you can’t get snacky
‘cos you’re scared of poison
and someone laughs and your forehead moistens
and you end up such a figure of hate
that armed crowds beat at the palace gates
to drag you outside and shoot around eight

great

can’t wait