the pope, unfortunately
having a bad prayer day disproportionately
fluffs the mic & when he tries to grabbit
trips on the steps & goes pellegrina over habit
and in a scene once seen you can never forgetto
does a backward flip and lands on his zucchetto
it was late afternoon
when I cut out across the dunes
heading for the crumbling cliff head
and its famous, fossiliferous, geological beds
my first find was indecent
definitely more recent
than the early cretaceous
more the raw material of the whole petrifying process
a seal carcase
stinking up the place
more or less intact
except the head had collapsed
into a gawky kind of grimace
like the seal was embarrassed
to be found dead on the sand
its flippers terminally fanned
its eyes all I don’t know
the sorry sockets stripped out and on show
‘grin and bear it’ mum used to say
when things weren’t going my way
well – the seal was definitely grinning
as if life was a joke with no end and no beginning
though strictly speaking the poor thing was beyond any bearing as such
and the way it looked you’d have to say
it was baring a little too much
I can’t see if the house next door is empty or not
it’s a pretty shady, shambolic kinda spot
the holiday let that time forgot
there doesn’t seem to be much coming or going
no lights in the windows at night showing
there’s really no way of knowing
I’m tempted to walk up the overgrown drive
knock on the window and peer inside
have my curiosity satisfied
but what if I saw myself in the gloom
an elderly man sat alone in a room
in smeary makeup and clown costume?
Would the old me scream and look away?
honestly – it’s impossible to say
but I don’t think I’ll be going there today
Daemon DNA has a double hex
synthesised in the biotechs
bright and fine as cybersex
downloaded to the multiplex
Daemon DNA is the subtlest thing
a micro twist with a protein sting
to penetrate the security ring
and corkscrew into everything
Daemon DNA is a government plot
to bind us all in a sleepless knot
to flex our dreams and fix our shot
and stifle every good we’ve got
Daemon DNA is a feral beast
fed by offshore excel sheets
run out from presidential suites
to the backs of vans in the city police
Daemon DNA is a grave invention
good for cancer & hypertension
gagging orders, rights suppression
anything you care to mention
Daemon DNA is out of reach
fine as the fuzz on a rotten peach
soft as a ghost on a crowded beach
thin as the smile in a political speech
Daemon DNA has its roots in me
sweet and sharp as a pepper tree
battening on my soul’s debris
replicating endlessly
Welcome to the CPS / and many congratulations on your awful success / you’ve all been selected for your creepy credentials / your dour demeanour evilly evidential / loads of lovely shocking potential / so it’s a very chilly welcome to this three week residential
Week One is dedicated / to murder premeditated / how to keep a journal / that’s suitably infernal / close, spidery writing / crazily inviting / red and green and black and exciting / madly mixed in with collages / polaroids of garages / celebrity marriages / with heads transposed / grudges disclosed / that kind of thing / but don’t worry – we’ll give you guidance on everything / help you find your style / the kinds of things that’ll read well at trial / and give you ammunition for your enigmatic smile
Week Two we like to call ‘Nailing the Look’ / working from the book / of the same name / because psychopathic style isn’t a game / it’s a very serious business / it takes more than hair gel and an off-the-peg grimness / to terrify both victim and witness / we’ll help you shovel out your inner psycho / whether that’s Backwoods Ohio / Highrise Tokyo / Classical Stucco / or Stetson Bucko / we’ll find the look for you / you might have a cleft palate / only eat salad / work as a valet / whack people with a mallet / you might be criminally beautiful / have a family that’s dutiful / be very musical / you might be squinty / unyielding and flinty / you might have a whispery voice / wear a patch like James Joyce’s / make a feature of offering despicable choices / – the point is / you should enjoy this / because it’ll come out in the twist / when the dogged detective gets the gist / and realises the murderer was the podiatrist / and you end up fighting in the dark by a cliff / and you go over – or do you? / none of this is voodoo / it’s what we do / do you understand what I’m saying to you? / your psycho style is everything / and this is what you’ll be studying
Week Three is key / knowing your psycho intimately / primarily / how the stairs and doors are creaking / where the taps on the frightful baths are leaking / everything should be shrieking / danger! psycho! environmentally speaking / IKEA won’t cut it / if you have an IKEA catalogue, shut it / forget it / if your sense of propriety shrieks notoriety – let it / it’ll only enhance your psycho credit / and by the way / I have to say / your knowledge of the bible / must be unrivalled / so you can quote for any occasion / and paper the windows with Lamentations
Here’s a list of the basics you’ll need / to hit the basement running and get up to speed / some night vision goggles and a bag of restraints / surgery for dummies and a tin of red paint / a creepy clown mask and a burner phone / a hatchet and a sharpening stone / a photo of your granny in a frumpy frock / some high explosives and a digital clock / a Magnum / a forensic report on the antiseptic properties of sphagnum / a plastic facsimile of the skull of a cro-magnon / and so on / at least it gives you something to go on
Mr & Mrs Runcible / the criminal principals / will now show you down to your cells / for a dispiriting meal and a box of shells / any problems, yell / first lesson tomorrow promptly at eight
can’t wait
I used to be a vampire but I lost the cloak
now I’m just an ordinary bloke
doomed to wander the supermarket aisles
in motorhead t-shirt and denim disguise
flashing the cashiers pointy smiles
it’s so frustrating
my undead heart is breaking
dying was my living
and real life’s just too grave and unforgiving
but it’s like my dear old mother said
when I disinterred her from the shed
if you’ve got an advantage, son – work it
so now I make a killing on the chicken-in-a-coffin circuit
Our Father / forever in a lather / good god, bad god – in & out of favour / however you’d rather / but either way you’d have to say a brilliant balcony waver / eternity off for good behaviour / special deal on the super saviour / holy love’s like holy weather / keep your heads down and stick together
who art in heaven / everything in his glorious possession / no question / sitting in line with his male succession / Mathew, Mark, Luke & Kevin / all with a faintly saintly sour expression / yawning through your dumb confession
hallowed be thy name / hollowed be thy game / borrowed be thy blessing & bellowed be thy blame
thy kingdom come / clap the lightning & bang the drum / raise the oceans & quench the sun / then you’ll see he’s number one / the feared & bearded, transcendent one / keeper of keys to the holy fun
thy will be done / or he’ll tear a new hole for everyone
on earth as it is in heaven / overseen by Peter, IT backup from Kevin / office hours seven through eleven / database running from Albuquerque NM / to Woolacombe, Devon
give us this day our daily bread / a car for the drive and a gun for the bed / you wish on a star and get this shit instead
and forgive us our trespasses / our bedbugs, butt plugs & alton towers passes / a bin bag for our disposable asses / particularly the working classes / who’ll definitely need those Poundland sunglasses / when they buckle up for Beezelbub’s barbeque gasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us / but not if it leaves us in any way defenceless / war, famine or plagueless / angel-less / hopeless / wave the bible more & turn the page less
and lead us not into temptation / moral equivocation / ethical consideration / alternative explanation / trust us – the train don’t stop at that particular station / we put a stained glass sign outside the dungeon / sorry for any interruption / major hypocrisy under construction
but deliver us from evil / civil unrest & social upheaval / the wrong kinda sin & the right kinda people / or anything heretical / socio-political / better play safe and go full medieval / kneel in the cathedral / run to the trumpet like a well-trained beagle
for thine is the kingdom / the unutterable thingdom
the power and the glory / the usual story
for ever and ever
and ever
and ever
whatever
Amen
It’s a long-standing problem / the Tory party Gollum / squatting bottom of an Excel column / my precious austerity / because apparently / prosperity / isn’t something that’s universally obtainable / the social order unassailable / the economics inescapable / basically your bony arse is grass and everything else saleable / representation is no longer available / so take your lame brain labour / be a good neighbour / and learn to love that particular flavour / I don’t want excuses / I just want a worker that produces and reproduces / so shut up / suck it up don’t fuck it up / you’ll get used to it / there’s really nothing to it / you do the work, you take the hit / and the suits siphon off the best of it / rolling around in coins and notes / on private jets and fancy boats / bending the rules and buying the votes / but even though I can see you’re opposed to it / you’ll never get close to it / hey! I don’t make the rules – I just follow ‘em / I don’t cook the books I just swallow ‘em / allow it / bow to it / I’m not proud of it / I’m sure one day your prince will come / and the two of you make a fairytale income
Anyway! here’s our brave leader / the super spreader & pedigree breeder / smiling & waving from a zip wire over the valley of death / all manicured nails and minty breath / head protected / securely connected / fair and squarely elected / by the people who always suspected / he was hopeless / but nevertheless / sick of the rest / gave him a chance and wished him the best / and then pretty soon realised their terrible mistake / when he got busted for passing fake custard and counterfeit cakes
but ssh now:
the cattle are lowing the baby awakes
(a rental by the abattoir was always a mistake)
yes – yes – I’m swamped with stress
a bad blogger in a waterlogged mess
you’d have to say I’m drifting at best
Ophelia in the drink in her wedding dress
I just can’t make the right words stick
I’m falling down on the job, calling in sick
I’m Peter Piper without his pick
a deadbeat poet sharpening his dick
it’s like I can see something weird nearing
and I can’t believe what I’m hearing
the concert crowd is actually cheering
as the blind conductor’s disappearing
you’d think I’d be bored of all the hurting
the witless schtick, the tragic rehearsing
the carry on shithead, carry on nursing
caution – dreadful old diva reversing
I don’t know how to work the game
dig the foundations again & again
cut my losses, bury my name
my brown eyes wide and my beard aflame
but d’you hear that? is it thunder?
or a thousand poems sliding under?
quick – weigh my eyes with coins of silver
kiss me once, set me on the river
Quetzalcoatl / digging in the fine soil beneath his feathery coils for a tequila bottle / snatches it up and drinks / sinks to the steps of the pyramid and thinks / in a daze / as the burning sun settles and fades / beyond the ruined shopping arcades
and the more he drinks the more he sees / ghosts of shredded white plastic snagged in trees / long and ragged queues / for water and food / blazing cars in abandoned lots / flashing lights and pistol shots / ringing on the blade of the equinox
Tezcatlipoca / creeping low as a jaguar over the baking steps to get closer /
whispers Hey Big Mister Clever Snake Feather / let’s drop all the moody shit about the weather / whatever / come take a look in my smoking mirror / let’s royally fuck this place together
Quetzalcoatl / tormented by restless dreams of battle / the hollows of his eyes reflected in the mirror / draws his ancient tormentor nearer / you n’me babe he says / I guess you know best / but first we have to find Cortes
jim clayton 