poems
ghost ride
ghosts CAN be straight
they just like you to wait
and struggle to figure out
just what the hell it is they’re banging on about
they seem to get a buzz
from moonlit rustling in spooky shrubs
walking through walls in empty pubs
irritating jump scares face to face
creeping & sneaking about the place
honestly – it’s obscene
they’re totally gabby but basically mean
SO anti-social, slamming doors
sending weird texts by ouija board
dydd lau
huh?
okay
yeah
thursday
I think
today yeah today
although
apparently
in albanian it’s e enjte
(just googled it)
in faroese, hósdagur
in slovak Å¡tvrtok
and in welsh, dydd lau
because
names aren’t the thing itself
are they
they’re just the mark
we make on things
to help us feel better
oriented
in control
moving forward
the past falling away
yeah
thursday
dydd lau
things are really happening
train announcement
If you see something which doesn’t look right
could be anything
How much time have you GOT?
some have an irrational fear of honey
for example
others might be tripped into an existential malaise
by a three bean wrap
I know myself
I struggle with the concept
of jaffa cakes
I mean
who are you KIDDING?
it’s a BISCUIT not a CAKE
a sinister, STALE kinda biscuit
something you might find in a cellar
after the apocalypse
and eat out of desperation
a spongy monstrosity
infected with jam
they distilled from old car freshener
bleurgh
interestingly
VAT is added to chocolate-covered biscuits
but not chocolate-covered cakes
hmmm
I wonder whether THAT’S significant?
anyway
speak to staff
or text the British Transported by Trivial Matters on this number
We’ll sort it.
See it
Say it
Sort of
the lady in the lakeland
Chapter One
She walked into the kitchen
smile as soft as a rolling pin
oven ready eyes set to broil
superhot fan-assisted no tin foil
herb to make a sous chef faint
haute cuisine without restraint
hair as fine as curly fries
that’d drive a monk to gluttonize
handy as a kitchen aid
iron ware enamel sprayed
moulds of the finest silicone
I nearly blew a kidney stone
I need a chef detective she said
know where I can get one, Red?
Okay lady, what’s the beef?
I said, conscious of my teeth
(I cultivate a cool guy image
and I’d just put away a plate of spinach)
There’s a certain party in New Orleans
who dined and dashed if you know what I mean
I’d like to hire your culinary skill
and hold his clip to the charcoal grill
My rates are high, or did you forget?
Twenty a day and a crusty baguette
Fine she said and shook my hand
like flipping eggs in frying pan
She winked real easy, gave me a jostle
iced my heart with a piping nozzle
final update
jim clayton 