tory wars

a war on woke
a war on jokes
that cause us embarrassment
a war on online harassment
except if it’s us doing the harassing
a war against trespassing
especially if you’re press passing
a war against discussing
if we should go to war
a war against the poor
libraries, day care centres
BBC presenters
a war against plaques
objectivity and facts
a war against parties
except our working versions of these
that never happened anyway, jeez
be realistic, please
a war against visiting dying parents
a war against adolescents
with mental health crises
a war against libraries
a war against trans and nonbinaries
a war against drugs
excepting the stuff we vigorously rub
on our beautiful gums in our old school clubs
a war on anything in scrubs
a war on protest
unless
it’s completely noiseless and passes unnoticed
a war on taxation
or anything that hampers billionaire creation
a war on a law for landlords to ensure habitable accommodation
a war on the freedom of information
a war on the next generation
excepting the fruit of our own jolly rogering
who’ll one day be honouring
their glorious pater and mater
by taking their seat a few years later
a war on curators
a war on investigators
looking into individuals that donate
in fact, a war on anything affecting our mates
a war on talk of the revolving door
a war on declaring assets offshore
a war on history
especially when it interrogates the mystery
of the British Empire
a war on banning MPs for hire
a war on fire
where it requires
funding for cladding & sprinklers
a war on rivers
caregivers
retailers
road haulage trailers
that need a safe level of licencing
a war on cycling
a war on experts
a war on exports
a war on courts
where plaintiffs qualify for state support
a war on Europe
a war on hoodies with the hood up
a war on food banks now that food’s up
a war on slavery
and any criticism thereof
and to finish off
a war on anything not mentioned above