Climate change?
strange
I’m actually a supporter
why would you mind if the weather got warmer?

No bugs?
shrugs
those chitinous freaks jes’ make me restless
I like my balcony nice’n insectless

Water wars?
snores
thas’ why we got the military, man
to shoot big holes in yer watering can

Storms?
yawns
I like me the occasional flash of lightning
why would ya find a thunderhead frightening?

Sea rise?
lies
I live in a nice fat condo
I couldn’t care less if you lose the congo

Wildfires?
kill spiders
anyway – all those trees only spoil the view
and everyone loves a barbecue