gaia deniers

question: will the human race
ever stop stinking up the place
wisen up and learn from its mistakes?
reading the papers? probably not
because even though brains we’ve obviously got
when it comes to using them we ain’t so hot

we’re great at setting up institutions
fancy places and constitutions
but sensible, international solutions?
you’d have to shrug and say nope
we’re basically a LONG way south of NOPE
the human race is basically a dope

meanwhile the planet buckles and burns
while plutocrats fiddle their tax returns
focused on their business concerns
until the planet shrugs us off
with storms the size of an end-times cough
then settles back down, happy enough

and ants will rise and take dominion
from The Winter Palace to the Brighton Pavilion
(obviously that’s a personal opinion)
and will they fare any better than us?
they’ll certainly be cleaner, no ifs no buts
and won’t do politics – so that’s a plus

big disaster happening whenever movie

Professor Tim Berkley
denim-wearing, flinty-eyed, fried-side of thirty
maverick climatologist from Albuquerque
lives in a trailer, drinks Wild Turkey
morose, brilliant, occasionally twerky
gets threatening letters from his wife’s attorney
falls down a well and winds up on a gurney

where he’s visited by….

Dr Helen McReary
hates small talk, loves horses, occasionally teary
avant garde, nobel prize for chemistry (nearly)
who loves Tim’s brilliant work sincerely
suddenly looks weary
says she’s got a theory
which galvanises Tim severely

so they…

race to warn President J R Gooming
who strides down corridors barking & fuming
as they warn him worldwide disaster’s looming
his generals finding the whole thing amusing
which Tim finds confusing
says it’s not just their worthless asses they’ll be losing
if they stick to the goddamn path they’re choosing

but they…

throw them both out
which is no doubt
the one move humanity could do without
just as the climate wheels about
hits the White House with a waterspout
and we zoom in as Gooming gives a shout
torpedoed by a truck-sized rainbow trout

and so begins…

a tumultuous, migrainous CGI fest
sinkholes, tsunamis, volcanoes and the rest
no end time fantasy unexpressed
people screaming as they’re gruesomely pressed
by falling office blocks east and west
but Tim and Helen do their best
to help the survivors clear up the mess

and then

we end…

with a sunset
the calmest, clearest, most beautiful yet
Helen and Tim in a yurt in Tibet
eating moss with a plain vinaigrette
with a comedy cross-eyed goat as a pet
Helen says Humanity’s paid its debt
Shall we start again? Tim says You bet!

The End

business proposition

make & sell such a lot of stuff
that the planet hasn’t nearly enough
space to process all the packaging
or make good all the ravaging
global disasters averaging
populations fighting & scavenging
then you spill out all the gold in your pockets
build a fleet of boujee rockets
leave before the earth blows up
sleep in pods till a planet shows up
land, tentatively open the hatch
and do the same again from scratch

skipping song

Get yourself a motorcycle
Get yourself a train
Get yourself a helicopter
there and back again

Get yourself a tractor
Get yourself a van
Get yourself an ambulance
and drive as fast you can

Get yourself a submarine
Get yourself a bike
Get yourself a skateboard
or anything you like

Get yourself a fire engine
Jump up in the truck
and if the fire burns your arse we wish you lots of luck

we wish it once, twice, three times four
five sees six and seven running out the door
eight’s still waiting, nine’s all wrong
ten’s the end of my skipping song