the father of christmas

The bible has no date for Jesus’ nativity
but given all the shepherds in the general vicinity
winter was likely much too soon
and they cut the cord in May or June

So how did we arrive
at December 25?

Well – in 312 Constantine seized the eagle
and the next year made Christianity legal
the Romans used to celebrate Saturnalia
with a lot of proto-christmas paraphernalia
which was all to do with the winter solstice
a pagan occasion where everyone got pissed
because I hardly think you need me to say
you REALLY need a party on the shortest day
and although Constantine was apparently Christian
it didn’t hurt his political position
to consolidate all the pagan myths
into one big Christmas shopping list

So now when you’re in the supermarket
after queuing in the car for an hour to park it
pushing your trolley round the crowded aisles
sprouts and turnips in threatening piles
with everyone steadily going insane
Band Aid on the tannoy again

you’ll know who to blame