Apparition Generation – FAQs

Apparition Generation is a clean, renewable source of energy that leaves no footprints of any kind. It is the only method of power generation to be endorsed by The Department of Energy, The Society for Psychical Research and The Vatican.

The four main elements of Apparition Generation are: Spiritual Conductibility, Ethereal Resistance, Ectoflux Matrix and Joltage.

Moans Law states that the current through a conductor between a negative past event and a positive identification is directly proportional to the joltage across the crucifix and candlestick.

A mature ghost may furnish as much as 50 jolts per watch. Ruffs increase resistance, concentrate glow and improve yield; howling in resonant cavities has the opposite effect.

An Ectoflux Matrix is deemed to exist whenever one or more apparitions are held in a supersaturated co-violent death bond. They are Omni-directional, Multi-denominational, and Essentially Restless.

When harvesting Apparitions you must determine: a) drift rate b) creak quotient c) particle sparkle.

For a steady flow of kiloGhouls through any given surface, the plasmic current I (in vamperes) can be calculated with the following equation:

I = uQ / t

where uQ is Unearthly Quiet over what-seems-like-a-lifetime, t.

Equipment required:

  • 1 x Extractomatic MkIII Sheetform Apparition Generation Innovation ™
  • A selection of articles to facilitate Spectral Engagement.
    For example: a grimacing, wind-up monkey that clashes symbols; a musical box; a wormy old mirror; a tailor’s dummy; a disarticulated china doll; a rocking chair; a stuffed weasel in a straw boater smoking a pipe; a prayer book spotted with black wax; a bundle of dusty letters tied with a ribbon, and an album of foxed & faded photographs (ONE of which MUST be EITHER a) a pale boy in a sailor’s suit with a heavy fringe and staring eyes b) a sleeping baby in a pram attended by a governess dressed in crow feathers, OR c) a North Norfolk beach).
    For best results, use all of the above.
  • Some cable.

NOTE: Battlements interfere with the waveforms and should be avoided.


Dracula: Doomed forever to keep on auditioning

Okay – so – er-hem: Dracula
Don’t you think it’s all a bit too creepy & crepuscular?
And this obsession with all things cardiovascular
To be honest it’s just weirdly irregular
and won’t make you popular
We’re struggling with the medieval vernacular
And although we think your musculature
Is really quite spectacular
for someone of your – how shall I say? – vintage stature
this ancient blood vengeance rapture
just comes across as a chip on the dusty old scapula

So we’d like to thank you for auditioning here
and wish you all the best with your future career
We hope you’re not too upset; it’s what show business is all about
and don’t forget to close the window on your way out