Hanna-Barbera

Abraham Lincoln’s fatally shot
by a dreadful figure up in the box
who runs around an awful lot
I have a good view. It’s Scrappy-Doo

Julius Caesar’s stabbed in the back
in a freaky toga party attack
I’m shocked to see who leads the pack
I’m afraid it’s true. Scrappy-Doo

Charles the First’s composure cracks
as he climbs the scaffold to face the facts
you’ll never guess who swings the axe
need a clue? uh-huh. Scrappy-Doo

Archduke Ferdinand gives a shout
as two loud pistol shots ring out
who starts the war is never in doubt
you know who. Scrappy-Doo

Leon Trotsky’s totally tricked
by a cartoon puppy with a comedy pick
Hanna-Barbera Realpolitik
but whaddya do. It’s Scrappy-Doo

was TV
important to me?
you bet
that’s why I’ll be buried
in an old TV set
circa 1973
and the priest administering the last TV Times to me
will be
Shaggy
from Scooby Doo
who’ll
gulp and point
slam the TV tie-in book and say ZOINKS!
then manically skedaddle
down the middle of the chapel
chased by a glowing sexton prowling
outside the batty church, growling
but who ultimately slips up
when he straightaway gets tripped up
by Daphne & Velma
sobbing beneath a big umbrella
which they use to hook ‘em
and when the cops put the cuffs on to book ‘em
the sexton cynically curls his lips
says he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for them kids
and Scooby gets a Scooby snack
and the ceremony picks up pretty soon after that
led by Hong Kong Phooey and Spot the cat
through a cemetery of leaning screens
under a flyby of Wacky Races machines
as Top Cat
slowly takes off his hat
and Benny the Ball bawls
and The Brain and Office Dibble
stifle their sniffles