I’m Captain of the Nostromo / getting ready to go / lighting a fag with my torch / shakily psyched for the search / joking when I should be praying / staying when I should be running / wondering which way the monster’s coming

I’m Dracul sans cloak / wandering the night as an ordinary bloke / fake it till you stake it / I snigger / vamps are sucky tramps, go figure / this upper lip so stiff it’s rigored / clanging my fake fangs in a tooth mug / *shrugs* / hope my bed is freshly dug

I’m Chasin’ Jason / quick, slick & self-effacin’ / flexing / sex texting / lush headed / bed steady / instagram ready / slowly drifting into port / with whoever’s left of the Argonauts / muscles greased and taut / dreaming about sport / wearing a shop bought / fleece / tag on / golden to my knees / ready-rubbed in spangly grease / very very nice indeed

I’m taken, spent / battered & bent / I’m hopelessly, totally trouble / I’m a kidnapped heiress in a dirty drug bubble / I’m Liam Neeson punching rubble

I’m the Creature from the Black Lagoon / going off menu way too soon / eating shit with a silver spoon / stuffing curly fries in my gills / smearing sauce on the windowsills

I’m Michael rowing the boat ashore / with a cargo of meth and a whole lot more / kill the lights / alright? / keep quiet / the coastguard work these waters at night / jus’ make the sign and bless the moolah / it was always way more than hallelujah

I’m bad Jimmy Bond / totally bombed / with a disposable blonde / twerking, smirking / hope my cute little watch is still working / flashing my dimple of death / in the sweetly rubbed heft / of my perfumed cheek / man – I could do this shit all week / so blow me, Blofeld / my skill’s unparalleled / just let me make a cute remark / then lower me cock-first in your tank of sharks