4: When they reached the tomb / boom! / open wide! / the boulder-themed door had been rolled aside! / I mean – how the hell would you shift such a rock / without some tackle and a pickup truck? / and despite being very sore afraid / of the tracks in the sand the door had made / they silently sandalled their way inside / and then out they cried / for instead of the corpse of their former chief / an angel sat smiling with perfect teeth / who didst simper and wave / raising his perfect eyebrows to say / hey! / it’s okay / the guy you saw crucified on the cross / has gone upstairs to meet the boss / so don’t just stand in the sand full of doubt / do a neat little turnabout / get yourselves off to Galilee / because I’m telling you very happily / you’ll find him somewhere in that locality

5: Grumbling and mumbling / about arch angels with attitude or something / they spun on their sandals and quickly fled / filled with confusion and all kindsa dread / ditching the uber and hitching instead

6: Mary told the others she’d seen Him / when He dropped by her house to drive out a demon / they gave her a look like yep….oh…kaay / are you SURE you’ve had your meds today?

7: A disciple saw Him out in the country / but decorum aside and putting it bluntly / when it came to issues of resurrection / he wasn’t the sharpest beard in the collection

8: Later, He appeared to them in the cafe / and maketh them blow the froth from their latte / and He rebuked them for their lack of trust / how their beardy theories made Him feel crushed / and verily the disciples were cowed and hushed / for they’d never seen Him quite this flushed

9: And He said to them: drop those cinnamon twirls / and get thee in haste out into the world / and preach the word to any who’ll listen / because if you think this is easy let me tell thee it isn’t / and in My name shall you pick up snakes! / and do whatever the heck it takes / to impress upon the population / the messianic situation

10: And straightaway He didst rise to God / and sit Himself down with a sigh and a nod / saying whaddya have to DO with those guys? / I thought resurrection would be a big surprise / but they sit there gabbling like braindead oiks / and God sayeth son please lower thy voice

11: And the disciples went out and spread the word / and preached the miracle that had occurred / and judging by all the churches and bells / you’d have to think they did pretty well