tories out

you n’me both

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

a city whizz with a rampant ego
treats the country like an easy casino
but really what the hell do we know
about those oxbridge, public school pythons
they breed to lead but mostly to siphon
abundant funds from here to the horizon
covered up with sleights n’ tricks
I’m sorry – I don’t do politics

a tailored tyrant with a nanny complex
hale n’haughty lord snooty god bless
suckled on success, dressed to depress
dreaming of kisses and nighty nighty
tucked up tight in good ol’blighty
empire for hire, right n’white
throwing not shade but flagged eclipse
I’m sorry – I don’t do politics

suddenly your business closes
you can’t pay rates the council imposes
in come cuts the government proposes
weep as they weaponise the culture
bleed all public infrastructure
till they send you to war and you’re really fuck’d yeah
how does that all sound to you?
if you don’t do politics, politics does you

UK plc? It’s a wrap!

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

everything’s fractured
so here comes Thatcher
back from the dead in the Tory Rapture
handbag strokin’
hairdo smokin’
the shade’s not for turning, man – I’m not joking
the faithful falling at her feet
ten commandments on loud repeat
where there is discord flood the streets
with baton rounds & riot police

sing it

utilities – sell ‘em
protests – quell ‘em
if people wanna starve, go ahead let ‘em
get with the programme or go without
and if you don’t wanna look we can turn the lights out

we wanna attract ya
so let me despatch ya
a nice little contract to manufacture
some scratch for the itch
to make friends rich
drive the economy into a ditch
we make the rules
people are fools
we strip the hospitals, break the schools
close the libraries and the swimming pools

wring it

utilities – sell ‘em
protests – quell ‘em
if people wanna starve, go ahead let ‘em
get with the programme or go without
and if you don’t wanna look we can turn the lights out

like lambs to the slaughter
we poison the water
sacrifice the planet for a fiscal quarter
oil is best
greases the nest
funds the party so fuck the protest
but what the heck
it’s legal we checked
and anyway I say with the greatest respect
we can buy another planet we can go and infect

bring it

utilities – sell ‘em
protests – quell ‘em
if people wanna starve, go ahead let ‘em
get with the programme or go without
and if you don’t wanna look we can turn the lights out

we slash n’burn it
stamp the permit
save the cake and give you turnip
voters are hopeless
weak n’ boneless
make a fuss and we’ll make you homeless
so carpe diem
pay the PM
dogs of war? yeah? happy to free ‘em
we hold all the cards, man – shame you can’t see ‘em

sling it

utilities – sell ‘em
protests – quell ‘em
if people wanna starve, go ahead let ‘em
get with the programme or go without
and if you can’t bear to look we can turn the lights out

down the plughole

Image ~ ~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

The Great British Run It Down & Flog It
The Great British Jacob Rees-Mogg it
The Great British Eton Mess
The Great British Fascist Press
The Great British Government of Tyrants & Cons
The Great British Keep Your Head Down Carry On
The Great British Act of Egregious Self-Harm
The Great British Squealers on Animal Farm
The Great British Michelle Mone, Golden Zone, Have It
The Great British Offshore Smash & Grab It
The Great British Shrug Off
The Great British Mug Off
Pull the plug off
The Grr British
The Brit
The Brr
The
shh

unexpected items in the bagging area

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

unexpected items in the bagging area
Dishy Rishi stashing the loot in
a bank account Infosys bagged off Putin;
Jeremy Hunt in a rented suit
for a cosplay cabinet photoshoot

unexpected items in the bagging area
a stop motion claymation Boris Johnson
trading looks with Gloria Swanson;
Michelle Mone in a golden basque
where it came from please don’t ask;

unexpected items in the bagging area
Nadim Zahawi’s market forces
ripping off nurses, heating horses;
Jacob Rees-Mogg and his coffin of fixes
Haribo haloes and crucifixes

unexpected items in the bagging area
Therese Miscoffelees in an amateur CATS
chewing the sets and smoking rats;
Oliver Dowdy stuck in a lift
giving his reflection pretty short shrift

unexpected items in the bagging area
Suella Braverman in beard and moustaches
plastic nose and big dark glasses;
Grant ‘Thor’ Shapps and his mythical hammer
on his way home to Tory Valhalla

Please wait! Someone is coming to assist you…

tory wars

~ jim clayton ~ 6 Comments

a war on woke
a war on jokes
that cause us embarrassment
a war on online harassment
except if it’s us doing the harassing
a war against trespassing
especially if you’re press passing
a war against discussing
if we should go to war
a war against the poor
libraries, day care centres
BBC presenters
a war against plaques
objectivity and facts
a war against parties
except our working versions of these
that never happened anyway, jeez
be realistic, please
a war against visiting dying parents
a war against adolescents
with mental health crises
a war against libraries
a war against trans and nonbinaries
a war against drugs
excepting the stuff we vigorously rub
on our beautiful gums in our old school clubs
a war on anything in scrubs
a war on protest
unless
it’s completely noiseless and passes unnoticed
a war on taxation
or anything that hampers billionaire creation
a war on a law for landlords to ensure habitable accommodation
a war on the freedom of information
a war on the next generation
excepting the fruit of our own jolly rogering
who’ll one day be honouring
their glorious pater and mater
by taking their seat a few years later
a war on curators
a war on investigators
looking into individuals that donate
in fact, a war on anything affecting our mates
a war on talk of the revolving door
a war on declaring assets offshore
a war on history
especially when it interrogates the mystery
of the British Empire
a war on banning MPs for hire
a war on fire
where it requires
funding for cladding & sprinklers
a war on rivers
caregivers
retailers
road haulage trailers
that need a safe level of licencing
a war on cycling
a war on experts
a war on exports
a war on courts
where plaintiffs qualify for state support
a war on Europe
a war on hoodies with the hood up
a war on food banks now that food’s up
a war on slavery
and any criticism thereof
and to finish off
a war on anything not mentioned above