invasion of the body politic snatchers

There’s a greenhouse
back of the White House
long, blond tables
trays of dollars & roubles
planted with presidential cuttings:
a golfing pin
a toenail
a cufflink
really – anything’ll do it

shut the door and I’ll talk you through it

once a month
President Trump
meets with a secret scientific team
of the highest horticultural esteem
with micro-harvesting machines
everything scrubbed & clinically clean
for the collection of presidential material
animal, vegetable, mineral
from the screaming chief imperial
which they spray with a potent, patent POTUS solution
then take to the greenhouse to grow in seclusion
row upon row of orange seedlings
(warmed by the light of FOX in the evenings)

and the strange flowers grow
& swell into pods in portly rows
red leaves on top
tendrils that flop
until they’re fine and fat and ready to pop
when out will drop
a line of half-formed Trumpettes
blind & bland as a bunch of courgettes
but ready to take on the exact dimension
of anybody you happen to mention
(all you have to do is plant them in a bed
with access to the person’s head
a little water, a day and a half at best;
the trumpy tendrils will do the rest)

I’ve watched a procession of military crates
shipped at night through the White House gates
to target all those countries and states
that have the gall to celebrate
all the things they hate

I’m telling you man
It’s a world-wide plan
the patriarchs and oligarchs have hatched
with Trump at the heart of the vegetable patch









(inspired by & last line quote from ‘The Invasion of the Body Snatchers‘ 1956)

trumbo flies in

thank you all so very much / you’re tremendous / my love for you is endless / (check my feed / you’ll see) / so c’mon! clap your hands! throw confetti! / say the magic word: covfefe! / you’re about to see me flap my ears and start flyin’ / well, c’mon! you can’t blame an elephant for trying / you gotta think big – no, bigger than that / in a kiss-me-quick hat and a baseball bat / a grin like you wouldn’t believe / just ask steve / wait – wha’d’ya mean? where is he? / a live action film of my life by Disney? / well I wouldn’t give a rat’s arse to see that crap / tell him I want the feather back / I’ll find another mouse for my hat / meanwhile / way, way, wayway down / all those crazy numbnuts running around / bunch of clowns / funny fire engine sounds / sirens wailing / buckets chucked / hoses flailing / fifty ladders propped in midair / going nowhere / a wall made of sponge bricks / a hundred other tricks / one playing another like an accordion / a little waterboarding / rounding each other up in a humane way / with Breitbart water bombs / squirters from the NRA / but snipers in diapers – it’s the clown’s concern / some people are just too stupid to learn / okay – Theresa? this isn’t working / I’d better help out with some aerial twerking / no? / don’t like the show? / well – my schoolmarmy friend, plenty millions do / no-one cares about you / I’m the biggest draw in the history of me / so let the people see, and be awed / let the trumpets play and the violins sawed / let the floodlights find me way up here at the top / one helluva view, one helluva drop / and whilst I admit I haven’t done it yet / I’ve never been scared of getting wet / so shut your pipe holes, freaks / I’ve been practising this for weeks / the show’s not over till the pachyderm sings / and this one’s got wings / so what – are we good to go? / shall I go now? / okay – it’s a go / enjoy the show
who the hell cares what happens below