so let’s have a standing ovation
a generous pause for applause
from the thousands of windows and doors
overlooking this particular operation
are you ready?
for the one, the only
the Original of the Species
the divine old timer
with the snappy one liner
the blade in the brocade
waving from the cock-end of the motorcade
the gorgeously adorable
mr muscle in a suit
the man who put the F in faith and the T in truth
he’s so outrageous he’s IN
he didn’t begat he begin
you sir? yes, you.
glad you picked him?
give us your number, we’ll send you a pic of his dictum
how’d you like ten minutes on the dark side of the man
with a steady-cam, following him to the can and back
no? doesn’t float your stack?
Suit yourself. Go ahead. Re-boot yourself.
we’ve got time to kill and the hearts to do it
you had a vote and you blew it
accept it, it’s destiny
anything else is mutiny
yeah? you think
I’m sorry you feel that way
(hey! Hades in the shad-ees
whyn’t you help our friend here see the error of his ways
maybe some mindfulness technique
give his timeline a tweek)
dr google will see you now
that’s a good one
but let me tell you
it’s not all disney princesses and military successes
sometimes you just gotta take stock, you know?
have some time out,
see what all the screaming’s about
all those hilarious failures
the love affairs, mail scares and hail mary’s
the half-witted, two-faced, congressional fairies
why’n ya take a look at this sometime?
know who that is?
little jack horner, crawling back to his corner
thumb dripping plum juice and crack
having a happy-hour heart attack
waking up on the mortuary floor
tip-toeing to the back door
denying all knowledge
hey jack? where d’ya learn to act like that?
ronald mcdonald college?
take a moment
you don’t need to tell me which way up is,
I’ve been around the block a few times
I’ve kissed a kennel load of puppies.
I know which way the wind’s blowing
I’m tired of all this bitching and moaning
and by the way, just so you know
I’ve been following you from the get-go
man – you’re in so deep
you’ll need a submarine to get to sleep
you’re sub-prime, all the time
you’re turkey without stuffing
you’re ninety-nine percent of nothing
so suck on that for a minute whilst I get myself ready
and you – hold the camera good and steady
people? you never get a second chance to make a first impression
the rest is strictly for confession