I’m so gorgeous

I’m so gorgeous
a band of candy-scented unicorns
canter over with heart-shaped stickers on their horns
sweet thing / love bug / be mine
(it’s fine
they do it all the time)
I’m so gorgeous
the gauzy ghost of Rudolph Valentino vapes into shot
asks me what my secret is and for any advice I’ve got
I put my arm into the air where his shoulders should be
and share my regime confidentially
I’m so gorgeous
invertebrates prate
reptiles unravel
amphibians create
mammals babble
I’m so gorgeous
the very stars in heaven, singing in their crystalline spheres of ice
break free their shackles & hurl themselves in flaming legions at my feet (which is nice)
I’m so gorgeous
Helen of Troy
lazing on a bouffant borzoi
reading about me in Tatlers
coquettishly sucking her pearly rattlers
suddenly jumps off her ‘aris
flips her ol’ man paris
a richly be-ringed bird
rushes outside without another word
leaps on her chariot
texts me to meet her in some seedy Marriott
(she’s okay, Helen, despite the hype
but not really what you’d call my type)
I’m so gorgeous
the Egyptian god Horus
leads an apocalyptic chorus
scorches the sky with a terrifying sound
tearing the sea, ripping the burned ground
commanding all existence to do as I bid
& asks where I’d like my pyramid
(I thank him for the fealty
graciously decline the realty)
I’m so gorgeous
I spend many happy hours in the contemplation
of the perfection of my own reflection
although – at the risk of sounding vain –
this whole gorgeousness thing can be a pain
and I think to myself, God, what I wouldn’t give
for the life the rest of you losers live

2 thoughts on “I’m so gorgeous

    1. Absolutely! I wrote it as a flipside to ‘I’m so ugly ‘ – exploring body dysmorphia of different kinds. Maybe next I’d better write one called ‘I’m more or less okay’.
      Happy Christmas Patti! Hope you have a great holiday. Thanks for all your support this year. So much appreciated! ❤️ Jim

      Like

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