okay google

okay google / I’ve been clean, I’ve been tidy, I’ve been frugal / I’ve dived inside to realise my spirit guide and found his name is Dougal / (yeah – I was disappointed / I always thought I might be the anointed one / a priest of the sun king / or some thing / a tenth century brigand / or an OD’d rock n’roll legend / not some wall-eyed, flash drive, IT guy / who cashed his chips early and moved to Skye / pissed every night on Johnny Walkers / fell overboard & drowned instagramming orcas / but hey / apparently that’s the way / of these spirit world hosts / you can choose your friends but you sure as hell can’t choose your ghosts)

so – anyway – google / sorry to be so brutal / & blunt / such a feckless, graceless so & so / but frankly / y’know / I’m just so frazzled by your dazzling glow-show / all the things you think & know / it stuns my senses and lays me low / like a freakish man-baby in a baby-grow / big red J for Jim / lying on his back in the baby gym / waggling his limbs / at all the beautiful crap dangling down at him / I need help sorting this shit out / I have to know what I’m really about / google – search illumination, please / or halloumi-nation – the enlightened cheese / that will squeak the truth to me / because – O M Gee / I crave epiphany / like a deb craves anything by Tiffany / maybe what I need’s some seedy paleo regime / a viral meme / a deniable but viable revenue stream / a lifetime supply of anti-irony cream / cmon! / let me do your bidding / because who am I kidding? / I need your apps like crack / anything you’ve got to get me on track / to keep the wolves of self-doubt off my back / and before you object / to show my respect / I’m perfectly willing to click accept / when you ask about cookies before you connect / and although Dougal has started wailing & moaning / warning me to be circumspect / what the heck / it’s just personal data / like tossing a milkless goat into a volcano crater / a meaningless gesture / it’s what Caesar would call totalis no-brainium / until you wake up smoked like Herculaneum

I’m sorry, google / I’m in such a moodle / as morbid as a standard poodle / staring at his reflection in a puddle / finally seeing what they’ve been saying at last / that the time for pom-pom legs has passed / and I need to let go / and grow / and be strong / and run on / and be truly wild / like some howling, prowling, woolly wolf child / & sniff out my own, uniquely ME kind of hustle / like my best friend Jake (Jake? The jack russell?)

because did you know, google? / according to Dougal? / we’ve all been hexed / by that witch Alexa / do you accept it? / has he guessed it? / has the government really suppressed it? / or is it just some bullshit tweets / he swallowed last week / in that digital wasteland of lies and leaks / infested with catfish & sockpuppet geeks / where everyone’s an oracle and everyone speaks / at once, like the tower of babel / in the bible / chaotically indescribable / (not that I’ve ever read it / *snorts* / but I’m always careful to check my source / so I spent an exhaustive minute googling it, of course) / but hey – I’m suddenly feeling long & lean / drawn out in a dream / like I’m disintegrating into the screen / pixelatedly extreme / uploading so slow I could scream / okay google – I need a meme / a kitten swinging off a branch / paws above an avalanche / strapline : hang on in there mate…

okay google – thanks, that’s great

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