‘…the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.’
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Lewis Carroll

Okay! Thank you! Settle down please
And a warm welcome to the Life Skills Academy

Spring term will be devoted almost exclusively
to compromise & expediency, disappointment & reality
those of you who cover the ground satisfactorily
will take extra units in prevarication & complicity

Summer – and I’m sorry, but most of the term
is given over to the basic skills you need to learn
making it, mistaking it, faking & forgetting it
upsetting, downsetting, elementary regretting
blood-letting, anonymous internetting

Autumn is focused on more advanced techniques
– one for all you lifestyle geeks
alt-tabbing, monosyllabing, monetizing mechanics
uber hiring, rumour denying, late-night dramatics,
drive-by, dry cry, bulk buy specifics,
right clicks, news tricks, glue sticks & netflix

And then at last we come to our Winter Warmer
with something at the end for the star performer
choose from module A: advanced entitlement with plausible frustration of enablement
module B: accelerated learning in accountability & squirming
module C: a diploma in substantiated financial insalubrity & sarcoma
or module D: certified obfuscation, inebriation and offshore tax identifications

any questions?

Good! You see how much there is to be done?
So please open your books at chapter one