I.
For centuries our college has prospered
and countless practitioners fostered
their footsteps all boom
through the cloisters & rooms
and they sleep underground in the orchard

II.
Our head is known in academia
for his teeth and pernicious anemia
he looks in his cape
like a bat at a wake
and his smile is a warm crematoria

III.
Flying is the root of all alchemy
defying the rules of anatomy
so at lauds and at vespers
in wailings & whispers
we flap from the floor to the balcony

IV.
Our staff are all fully immersed
in the arts of the damned & the cursed
our head of year eight
was burned at the stake
in the reign of Elizabeth the First

V.
The school is endorsed by a party
of nuns & illuminati
our crest is a crow
with its eyes aglow
and our motto is puer damnati

VI.
Ofsted condemns our achievements
in grudges and dark disagreements
but we’re top of the league
in moral fatigue
and score GOOD for our work in bereavement

VII.
Our charter is written on vellum
in imp’s blood diluted with venom
our porter’s a wolf
who lives on the roof
but he only comes down when I tell’um

VIII.
I’m always here to explain
any questions you might entertain
our fees are most reasonable
& the term times quite seasonable
Imbolg, Lammas, Samhain