please don’t feed the troll

I’m a troll / fol-de-rol
I’ll swallow you & your followers whole / I’ll feast on your tweets / your cosy cliques / your clicks / your likes / your go-pros on your mountain bikes / you crossed the bridge for the last time, mate / I’m the faceless demon waitin’ at the gate / the curious shadow on the camera plate / the psychopath on the cycle path / livin’ it large with the crazy laugh / hiding in the tall grass / on the dark side of the pass / yaaaasssss / I’m the creature beyond all knowing / feeding on the instagoats coming and going

I’m a troll / fol-de-rol
sipping warm milk from a bird-shaped bowl / that I hold / cold and anonymous / in poisonous claws / behind locked doors / busily working away at the keys / scrolling & scrawling obscenities / with inappropriate emojis / all over your stories / your tragedies / your memories / forget it! / don’t you get it? / I was born with a snout / for sniffing you out / I know the perfect combination of verbal abomination that’ll make you shout / it’s like a pig with truffles / I’ve got an instinct for anti-social scuffles / the irony is I’m highly empathetic / I just choose not to act on it / you know – you millennials make me laugh / you had no idea at the start / all the jeers & sneers you’d be hosting / when you published your site and started posting

I’m a troll / fol-de-rol
quietly playing my role / taking my toll / pushing your buttons with my buttons / just your average kind of sadist, really / your Nigel, Norman or Mavis Dearly / typing away with tea and scones / humming along to Norah Jones / my only, lonely aim in life / to seize the moment & twist the knife / as far below the line as I can reach / and then screech / and clap / and happily sit back / with a thumping heart / to wait for the weeping & wailing to start / and then / when it’s reached its peak / I’ll slowly extend a sneaky beak / and neatly / and very discreetly / drink deeply / from where the tears flow thickest & most sweetly

I’m a troll / fol-de-rolIMG_0817


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