- Ghosts are lost in a persistent, inter-dimensional, crystalline time-lattice, so please be patient.
- Ghosts are not in themselves a cause of creaky doors, but they cannot resist taking advantage. Treat accordingly.
- Ghost to Living ratio = 10:1. Libraries have the highest concentrations; abandoned hospitals the lowest.
- Fairground Ghost Trains are ghost-free; actual trains suffer from over-ghosting, especially at peak times.
- Ghosts are tormented by the idea of hats.
- Ghosts have no sense of irony, cliché, personal boundaries, social etiquette. Ghost clowns are even worse.
- Ghosts are confused by whisks, pastry cutters & pizza wheels, and have a morbid fear of sandwich tins, so tend to avoid the kitchen.
- Ghosts are fascinated by cats, interested in dogs, amused by spiders, patronising about birds, withering about fish.
- Ghosts can be frozen indefinitely, but need careful handling when thawing.
- Ghosts are, for the most part, high maintenance / low carbon
- Crucifixes are unsightly, candles a fire hazard, Holy Water makes the place damp and chalk pentagrams spoil an otherwise charmingly rustic floor. To keep your place ghost free, simply air thoroughly, cook pizza and wear a hat.
jim clayton 