ghost sheet

  1. Ghosts are lost in a persistent, inter-dimensional, crystalline time-lattice, so please be patient.
  2. Ghosts are not in themselves a cause of creaky doors, but they cannot resist taking advantage. Treat accordingly.
  3. Ghost to Living ratio = 10:1. Libraries have the highest concentrations; abandoned hospitals the lowest.
  4. Fairground Ghost Trains are ghost-free; actual trains suffer from over-ghosting, especially at peak times.
  5. Ghosts are tormented by the idea of hats.
  6. Ghosts have no sense of irony, cliché, personal boundaries, social etiquette. Ghost clowns are even worse.
  7. Ghosts are confused by whisks, pastry cutters & pizza wheels, and have a morbid fear of sandwich tins, so tend to avoid the kitchen.
  8. Ghosts are fascinated by cats, interested in dogs, amused by spiders, patronising about birds, withering about fish.
  9. Ghosts can be frozen indefinitely, but need careful handling when thawing.
  10. Ghosts are, for the most part, high maintenance / low carbon
  11. Crucifixes are unsightly, candles a fire hazard, Holy Water makes the place damp and chalk pentagrams spoil an otherwise charmingly rustic floor. To keep your place ghost free, simply air thoroughly, cook pizza and wear a hat.

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