I’m a walking Wednesday
hat backwards, looking forwards

I’m a lunk in trunks
dining on dunks
overdosing on pineapple chunks

I’m the kind of man who knows what he wants fifteen seconds after he lost it
I’m Old Jack Frost / tossed for frosting the banquet / lying in an alleyway shivering under a blanket

I’m tumbling downstairs, nursery rhyme style

I’m Grandma Grumps dry humping the pumps

I’m Homo slopiens

I’m caught, cursed / under rehearsed / waving from the shoulder, stuck in reverse

I’m Wild Bill Haggard and the Ne’er do Wells
Squint McKenzie
Slim Pickens
Snarls Dickens
Bertrand Chickens

that’s it / that’s all I got

Sam-I-Am not