Mr Jacob Rees-Mogg

brass-knobbed reform-clubbed fob-chained Where’s Wally watchdog

antediluvian Gladstone Murdstone vaudevillian Victorian hoary-handled tory brolly 

party banker market spanker golden jackpot handle cranker

nappy dodging speaker teasing crocheted pants stance bants bodger 

money mashing Latin flashing nanny lashing Grenfell bashing maxi-Thatcher share stasher

gene recessive noun excessive spirit depressive LGBT repressive anti-progressive 

that Jacob Rees-Mogg

holds his phone up in parliament

(roars of applause from the Tory government)

Britons never never never shall be slaves

(But only if you went to Eton: the rest of you, behave)