Porky Pig knows what he did / how he spun the chamber and flipped his lid / hit the throttle, the bottle, the skids / went off grid / lay low in Barcelona, Bilbao, Madrid / had a kid / all his careful work undid / heaven forbid

The Big Bad Wolf’s done playing around / waives the 5th in Chinatown / huffs and puffs on the smokes the pigs pass round / sure – yeah – it’s true, I blew the house down / on them preternatural porcine clowns / buried their bacon beneath the ground

Humpty Dumpty gets sick of the fence / the painted smiles, the thin pretence / the heightened suspense / so he rolls up in court & self-represents / blows his eggy vents / makes no friends, no case, no sense / gets dragged away by the civil defence / it’s eggstremely ugly and intense

Georgie Porgie bends the rules / servicing high-end swimming pools / extending his pole and other tools / for the benefit of all the five-star fools / who post online he’s slow but cool / hopeless & hapless, hung like a mule

Little Miss Muffet finds peace at last / smiling at the nurses through the plexiglas / for once in her life she feels first class / off the tuffet, off the grass / she’d been way out of character, man – totally miscast / her curds absurd and her whey too fast / but at least now whatever comes to pass / them mother fuckin’ spiders can kiss her ass