Q: Spirits keep restlessly coming & going
fading & flickering, drifting & glowing
we’ve exorcised thoroughly but no luck yet
A: Try rebooting your Ethernet

Q: Demons are nesting up in the attic
and the noise is increasingly problematic
I’d be grateful for any information
A: Follow the link re. insulation

Q: A ghoul is forever moving pictures
shifting tables, loosening fixtures
tossing our plants – it’s driving us screwy
A: A simple case of bad Feng Shui

Q: There’s an entity over the garden lawn
like a numinous ectoplasmic swarm
I threw a net but the damned thing missed ‘im
A: Try holy water on a sprinkler system