a very warm welcome to The Academy

First of all / a very warm welcome to Mussolini Hall / it’s such a great pleasure / to see so much leather / so – before we go any further / why don’t we give ourselves some thunderous hurrahs & claps / for all these wonderful shirts and caps?

Thank you

Thank you

Now – I won’t keep you a second / I know how keen you are to get to your lessons

I just wanted to say / how thrilled I am to be speaking to you today / you’ve come such a long way / from those early experiments / repressing questionable elements

But – if you’ll forgive the expression – / you lack the fundamentals of oppression / so vital to people in our profession

This is why we exist / this is why we’ve drawn you so lovingly to our midst / to help you persist / in your education / to help us build a firm foundation / and heal the heart of this wounded nation

My friends – forgive me if I weep – / it’s because soon I know you’ll be jackboots-deep / in all the tried and tested techniques / designed to keep / the hegemony sweet / and we, the anointed elite / well and truly top of the heap

Perhaps you’re familiar with the following item:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist… followed by a long and very tedious list / but one important fact they missed / if you’re the one that’s doing the coming / and everyone else is doing the running / isn’t that result just pretty damn stunning?

One thing will always act in our favour / to make the enemy weak and our soldiers braver / and embolden our patriotic behaviour – and that is … anyone?

Yes! You with the sneer / the cold blue eyes and oily hair / stand up on your chair / nice and loud so everyone can hear…

That’s it!
Did everyone get it?

Truth is complicated! Lies are simple! / Truth is heavy and Lies are nimble! / Truth is the studious application / of intellect and imagination / but Lies need no further explanation / being a full and fatal distillation / of shock and scandal and titillation

Truth is the heart of any democracy / according to our enemies / which I think you’ll agree / is the most pathetic fallacy / reeking of liberal philosophy / a dog of disreputable pedigree / which is why we apply ourselves so relentlessly / ruthlessly / till the old dog can only bark toothlessly

Let us show you what a well-placed lie can do / for all the goons who think like you / who want to bloody the civic waters / and silence all those lame reporters / who huddle in their sad headquarters / waiting to be thrown in dark transporters

We’ll teach you the fundamentals of lying / how to bend it without even trying / to keep fabulous frauds and falsehoods flying / and the majority masses complying / in the Great Denying / marching forward to take the realm / with your charismatic leader at the helm

So let us go forth with our leader as anchor / to harbour resentment and cultivate rancour / to propagate hate with propaganda / and realise our racist nationalist agenda

Come! Swear your allegiance to the Flag!
Hold your shaven heads high & let thy knuckles drag!
And in the morning I’ll see you all back at the stump
for our special guest speaker, Donald Trump

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