It’s pointless to resist / Read your economists / – and not just the ones synonymous / with lame ideas about workers and production / or revolutionary interruption / to the natural laws of business function / That’s strictly for dreamers / beardy bolsheviks and left wing schemers / Give ‘em a union card & they’ll take you to the cleaners / No – GREED is what jealous people call SUCCESS / It’s a bit like chess / The pawn doesn’t understand the overall process / YES? / Makes sense? / The game is all about offence / The pawn’s only there to get jumped by the knight / Otherwise the game just wouldn’t play right / And – okay – so the table gets littered with pieces / But Jesus! / You can’t make an omelette without cracking some eggs! / Which begs / the question / Whatever gave you the impression / any of this was up for discussion?

You’ve got some nerve
Everyone gets what they deserve

Money doesn’t just talk / It hollers and squawks! / It bangs on the table with silver knives and forks / I’ve paid for this shit so feed me! / Bring me plates and bring them immediately / Bring me the best of whatever you’ve got / piled up decoratively high and hot / with attractive waiting staff fussing a lot / in a seamlessly choreographed trot / from the gleaming kitchen to my crumb-swept spot

Thank you SO much
Now hurry off back to the wretched little hutch
you call home
and leave me the hell alone

Okay, then – I’ll keep it simple / a couple of lines you can keep on your Kindle / Something official / A phrase or two you’ll find beneficial / Capitalism / is a natural system / An organic expression / of social dynamism / whereas Socialism / if you’ll excuse the criticism / just isn’t

Let me explain / There are complex networks of exchange / Okay? / Methods of social collaboration / permeating the body of the nation / just like veins and capillaries / nourishing every area and category / doing whatever’s necessary / to keep the body politic healthy / Now – if the temperature suddenly drops / does the brain shut up shop and stop? / NO! / It does not! / It sends a message straight to the toes / I’m sorry but your services are no longer required / Your licence to walk has expired / So the blood supply gets choked / the toes are smoked / And then when the weather finally picks up / the brain’s altogether tip top! / Because the Brain is your original capital survivalist / And always in good shape to see a podiatrist

Whaddya mean, no?
What did I just say about The Toe!

The point is – Capitalists efficiently utilise potential / It’s self-evidential / They strip things down to the basic essential / so the company can maximize profit / the shareholders draw their dividends off it / and the workers go home with money in their pocket / because only the fittest win / I mean – take Charles Darwin / Heard of him? / As Charley D so eloquently had it / you wouldn’t have got such a thing as a rabbit / if mammals hadn’t started through millions of years / growing the longest, most rabbity ears / and naturally the ones that couldn’t / pretty soon got made redundant / That’s the rule of natural selection / and I humbly offer it for your close inspection

Greed may well be the root of all evil
but I think that applies to other people
and anyway – I’m confident all this shit’s legal