when you’re safely back indoors
from a wild and muddy walk across the moors
Stanley absolutely DOES NOT sprawl with his paws
and rattle the house with his Baskerville snores

when you’re sitting quietly writing at the laptop
and break to give your cold coffee cup a top up
Stanley definitely WILL NOT howl and unexpectedly leap up
because you didn’t see him very sneakily creep up

when you’re slumped in front of the TV bingeing Sopranos
an hour or more since your last significant sofa pose
Stanley certainly SHALL NOT hold you down with his nose
till your legs are dead and so are your toes

when you’re tiptoeing past a bunch of horses
as slowly and carefully as elderly tortoises
Stanley’s MOST ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED course is
NOT to bark till his voice too hoarse is