I’m the shit / the shaman / the showman / the show me the way to go home man / I’m the snowman / the do this or don’t man / the row row row the boatman / the use your vote man / I’m the last to know the first to go man / I’m lionel backdraft and the silicone cases / I’m Fortnum and Macy’s / a brace of tasties / a hopeless meander / I’m goosey goosey whatnot / I’m ribena / I’m both hyena and low-ena / I’m roger moore sans eyebrows / I’m sidney scarecrow and the lowbrows / I’m a dreamer and a cynic / I’m a disney frog singing in the fracture clinic / so let me down gently and kick me slowly / I’m greedy / reedy / super speedy / bdsm needy / I’m the creme de la phlegm / the credo / I’m the hulk in speedos / practising hula hoop in the eye of a tornado / I’m the last and the least / Banquo on the back row licking a big feast / I’m a tooth in a tumble dryer / a secret admirer / Bezos on the scrounge / tossing back benzos in the business lounge / I’m a stunt / a cunt / a miserable moo / I’m a frequent flyer and so are you / I’m an interplanetary fraud / a hoarder with plaudits / an electric eel on antispasmodics / a snorer / a bored borer / a high scorer / a top drawer explorer / visionary ignorer / I’m the bouncer who bounced / the announcer who flounced / I’m a long hard look / at the death row prisoner eating a book / I’m cautious charlie and the undercooked / I’m a raucous caucus / a lawless chorus / burning down the barricades July thru August / I’m the least likely to succeed / I’m peed / pawed / floored / fixed / nixed / bereft / I get taken out first round with a delicious left / why’n’cha watch the playback / jack / but stay well back / maybe write me a letter / I promise I’ll read it when things get better