I was born in the winter of 62 / and between the TV, me and you / and the licence detector crew / smoking and joking in their van / I watched as many shows as any kid can / I mean – actually it’s scandalous / how audio-visually ravenous / I was / breaking all natural laws / sprawled out flat on the sitting room floor / before it / like some juiced-up junkie ready to score it / a TV devotee on his belly to implore it / the mighty Panasonic three-channeled God / to give me the hallowed cathode ray nod / and bless me with an iridescent shot / of the purest primetime shit they’d got

so now when they stuff my head in a scanner
they won’t see anything resembling brain matter
just screwed up copies of a TV planner
and when the surgeon advances with her hacksaw and spanner
this is what’ll spill in a dreadful manner:

Joe 90, Magpie, Trumpton, Scooby Doo
Time Tunnel, Grange Hill, Skippy, Kung Fu

Double Deckers, Hector’s House, Cheggers Plays Pop
Rentaghost, Record Breakers, Fingerbobs,

Flashing Blade, Clangers, Noggin the Nog
Thunderbirds, Jackanory, Batman, Bod

Worzel Gummidge, Wombles, Captain Scarlet
Wacky Races, Catweazle, Flintstones, SkyLark

Sooty Show, Vision On, Pugwash, Newsround
Take Hart, Roobarb, Dangermouse, Paddington

Swapshop, Screen Test, Wonder Woman, Tiswas
Follyfoot, Mr Benn, CAPTAIN PUGWASH