Would you shoot me if I turned zombie?
Friendzone me if I went all Abercrombie
weird-out on me if I was a witch?
walk out on me if I was a snitch?
If I had an uncontrollable itch
and would not stop scratching
would you worry about catching
whatever it was I’d got?
Or would you not?
Would you still knead me if I woke up made of dough?
If I was gluten-free would you let me know?
Would you come and stand by my bakery shop window
if I was a shop
and see how many hungry shoppers you could stop
and tempt inside me?
Or would you try to hide me?
Would you struggle if I learned to juggle?
Would you tattoo L for Love if I was a knuckle?
If I dreamed excessively would you prick me like a bubble?
Or like the Hubble
would you watch me wobble away without hope?
If I said I was an atheist would you threaten me with the pope?
Would you scrutinise my x-rays if I was fractured?
Carry me in your catalogue if I was manufactured?
Run forwards if I fell backwards?
Would you guess all my passwords
write them out with marker pens on placards
then walk round town where all the hackers
If I was Edward Lear would you tell me what rhymes with sieve?
And when you read the end result would you promise not to shiv
Could you ever forgive me?
It’s good to be clear