I’m the puppet in the attic, the bible in the fridge
the part-time preacher out on the ledge
so dusty it’s disgusting
how could I be so gullible and trusting
something somewhere needs seriously adjusting

I’m lightning at the drive-thru, the social media scammer
playing the piano with a ball pein hammer
it’s nothing, I’m hoping
despite all my kitten posts I’m really not coping
the tunnel flooding, telescoping

I’m the barbie in the dumpster, the zombie in the hub
the knight in shining armour farting in the tub
it’s over, I know it
everything to play for and nothing to show for it
one last chance to breathe and I blow it

I’m the devil in the smoking jacket, the monkey in the mall
yoda and a Tinder yeti hitching to Nepal
whatever don’t kill ya makes ya stronger
old bones laughing, dancing the conga
the itch gets scratched but the queue gets longer

I’m the void in the voicebox, the vision in the fall
the clutzy riot cop tasering his balls
c’mon! a mile is just a matter of inches
the palace door’s rusting, coming off its hinges
the princess sleeping on a pea and a pile of syringes

whatever that means
whatever we oughta
hold the stick
throw the dog in the water