The guests are gathering for the duke’s masked ball
at the artily drafty olde manor hall
his cutlery butler in gleaming antlers
dispatches the vicar with a bag o’tarantulas
the earl, with a vile and noisome poison
he brewed in a brothel in downtown Sheboygan
then with a nose for this kinda trouble
he follows a gauche and giggling couple
into the manor’s malevolent maze
and on and on through the usual cliches
till you yawn and switch the TV off
and see what’s left in the fridge to scoff