Three school friends shoot a TikTok video
in a mansion owned by the famous Ol’ Billy Jo
Billy disappeared in the twenties or so
and the place is long boarded up, y’know
overgrown, roof blown, even a CROW
squawking on gateposts, to and fro
in your basic slasher-type scenario
the friends are Jake, Alice and Mo
they jemmy a clapperboard and in they go
Mo says Oh Jesus, God, NO!
Alice says don’t fuck with me, mofo
Jake says he’s just getting in character for the show
Alice says Oh
Sorry, it’s this goddamn creepy chateau
It’s really freaking me out, so
can we all agree to forego
the dickin’ around, just shoot and GO?
she’s right though
says Jake, shaking out the spooky throw
he’d brought for the clever, closing tableau
Mo says Okay listen, yo!
and gives a scenic blow-by-blow
as he turns on his GoPro
focuses on the window
and the beady-eyed crow!
the next thing you know
they’re colder than Froyo
and they try to run but can’t move their toes
like they’re paralysed, polaroid photos
while shape shifting shadows
coalesce in the porticos
then shriek in vibrato
Well – goodness me! HELLO!
My name’s Ol’ Billy Jo!

Cut to a cop in a black-and-white combo
night shifts are tedious – always so slow
plenty of time to practise his banjo
but he quickly chucks it for the radio
when a voice crackles on, says Hey, there, Monroe!
Get yourself over pretty quick n’pronto
to that place belonging to Ol’ Billy Jo
I think another hippy politico
has gone in where they shouldn’a go

So Monroe goes
pulls up outside Ol’ Billy Jo’s
gets out – sees the crow
says Hey Crow whaddya know?
shines his torch and in he goes…

God – this movie truly sucks
I can’t believe it cost ten bucks