the revenant

let me give ya the top dollar scoop on
my despr’t adventure in the goddamn Yukon
I quit ma job n’hit the trail
TikToks with all the tip top detail
when suddenly outta piney nowhere
what comes at me but a gurzly bear
600 pound o’hairy ass beef
paws n’claws n’roary teeth
so I holler for help, scream n’ yelp
then all of a sudden I’m fatally felt
by a roundhouse swipe by a paw like a door
and I end up stretched out on the floor
when I finally open my blood stuck eyes
I find I’m emergency hospitalised
and who is it pushin’ me on my journey
but the bear in scrubs wi’ me on the gurney
I haul on ma straps and holler for the nurse
but the bear is prepared and the thing gets worse
cos they tie me on the operatin’ chair
and the bear walks in wi’ them paws in the air
says scalpel please and next thing I know
I’m wakin’ up back in the mountainy snow
my hands all paws, my brains a blur
600 pounds n’covered in fur
and I see myself laughin’ standing there
‘cos the bear’s now me and I’m the bear
so that’s my story; whaddya think?
are you fixin’ to stand an old bear a drink?

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