A figure of fun whenever I flex / a wayward witch with a dodgy hex / sex on legs but the legs are wonky / hairy as a goddamn donkey / shabby n’shonky / itchy n’glitchy / singing a song but sounding pitchy / flapping like a flunky / back on Monday / diary to shit and the chocolate chunky / bagga nerves, sick of it / next in line and fine with it

But what’s that clunk? / a fault you thunk? / the hatch just cracked and the submarine sunk / you’re flat on your bunk / in a flop sweat funk / your eyes pop out and you lose your junk / how cheerfully you seem to grin / and welcome little fishes in

Macbeth’s back on the ChatGPT / about Act 5 apparently / Lear on the street / rats on his feet / says they’re his slippers and ain’t that sweet / Prospero and Caliban / camping in a caravan / going to Comic Con, both as Batman / Ariel swoops in late as Robin / does some magically tragic hobnobbing / but not as bad as pixie Puck / who doesn’t give a flying you-hoo

I’m a country boy who knows his onions / restraining orders, court injunctions / veterinary tests, farmyard functions / following all the text instructions / causing ructions / Spiderman without the suction / whacked not woke / sparingly spoke / asks for a rise, they think it’s a joke

Give us this day our daily litre / lines for Paul and shots for Peter / demon cops with tape and tarps / to shut down heaven and haul off harps

Woke up early, unexpectedly me / thought I was human but found I’m a tree / tried to walk and shake the dream / but my boots were roots so I stood and screamed

Pinocchio farts and jumps the table / Gepetto starts and chokes on his bagel / it’s almost fatal / but the fairy knows Heimlich and for that we’re grateful / puppets can be a nice surprise / but it’s good to know your limits, guys