a scary piece of shit with teeth n’claws n’shit mean as shit runs in like shit does a lot of really bad shit ends up trading the shit with a quippy hero shit who’s certainly learned some shit since he started this shit and he sends the scary piece of shit to hell and shit and you think shit that was some close shit but oh shit the scary piece of shit unexpectedly jumps back in the shit and it’s like oh shit but the quippy hero shit improvises some clever shit and the scary piece of shit gets smashed all to shit and the quippy hero shit wipes the gooey shit from his shirt and shit smirks and says shit man – way to lose your shit and you think shit that scary piece of shit is DEFINITELY coming back and doing shit in a shit sequel or an even shitter prequel and you’re absolutely right about that
a rock a crudely worked rock a nicely worked rock a spear a finger painting of a deer with a spear in it an antler painting of a figure with a spear in it a god figure sitting on a rock eating a kebab a golden book with lots of pictures of god in it a crossbow with a face on it a cannon with a cross on it a muscular ship in the shape of a god with a giant golden cannon for a knob a scorched rock
it’s proper fleet street old school germalism the cheeky, sneaky, cheque book jism we liberally spritz on the arse n’tits of the supine body politic yaaah no doubt abaht it read all abaht it in your super rupert saw away sun the ache in take and the fake in fun from brexit bollox to winston johnson tasty nasty proper paparazzi daily mail to daily nazi dumping on some left wing patsy a wicked n’wanton shitpile baron living it large in the kingdom of the non-dom from Dubai to Lon-don accountability long-gone gee I love it take your ethics and shove it you might have the grievance but we’ve got the budget accept it my friend you’ll never touch it you gotta learn to relax and say fuck it hey – we didn’t make the system business is the illness we’re just the symptom listen we hack the phones of murder victims snowflake celebrities wannabe nonentities or they will be when we’re done jointed in the tawdry, tory way sun stitched up in a red top trust me it won’t stop till we’re cast like demons into the void all our inky tentacles destroyed when information once again acts for the nation until then – suck on this circulation
here we are trying to coax him into the car which I have to say is no mean feat when the car’s a mini and the dog’s a sheep we can’t even tempt him in with treats the vet said nil by mouth but without something delicious Stanley’s suspicious tries to swerve us not a little nervous resisting with fervour (standard behaviour for your average lurcher)
but if getting there’s a little problematical emerging at the surgery the change is radical Stanley a wholly other kinda animal moody and tragical sturdy and static moodily dramatic standing in the stressy waiting room traffic including an Italian Greyhound exuding all the control and canine restraint of the well-trained puppy she patently ‘ain’t bouncing around four paws off the ground because being there frightens her or the owner’s feeding her helium to lighten her or gravity simply doesn’t apply to her Stanley gives her a soulful look like a priest with a paw on the holy book Yea, though we bark through the valley of the vet we will fear no evil and hopefully get a treat or two when the deed is done and they slip on our harness and lead us home
Thumping fingers do thy work / make the poem, dish the dirt / heal the pain and ease the hurt / write the rap and be like Kurt / actually not Cobain but Russell / back in the day when he still had muscle / gritting his teeth through his lustrous beard / flame throwing anything acting weird / I’m talking about that film The Thing / because politics isn’t everything / sometimes it’s easier stir frying aliens / than understanding homo sapiens
I’m a sucker for punishment, a fool for caring / underperforming, oversharing / hypersensitive, over-there-ing / A Disney princess suddenly flaring / deep soul baring / lyrically suspect, a teensy bit wearing / yeah – sorry about the way this went / it wasn’t what the producers meant / when they said they wanted a feel-good time / somebody cute who occasionally rhymes / maybe lives in a shack or a castle / gets an unexpected parcel / goes on a quest with a clock and a cat / cute little characters, something like that / chased by a queen like baba yaga / (we’re currently in talks with Lady Gaga) / till in the end she gets the prince / I can tell by your face you’re not convinced
Years ago Thatcher memorably expressed it / Where there’s freedom somebody fence it / where there’s protest move against it / rewrite history like you meant it / non-event & ten percent it / basically where there’s social harmony / scream blue murder and send in the army
I’m ducking n’diving, divvying up / I’m a water boss with a paper cup / family and hungry billionaires to support / spare me some change for the annual report
Hey – time for another quote / lefty lawyers, tofu woke / anonymous blobs and traitorous blokes / till Johnson and the I’ll-Go-Nuts in a dodgy boat / runs aground and screws the vote / Sunak as Hercules (padded suit) / Braverman as Orpheus with a tuneless lute / (unfortunately comes without a mute) / bringing singing into disrepute / making even pacifists shoot / morally bankrupt, the cut in cute / utterly useless / wannabe ruthless / dreaming of tigers but sabre-toothless / crappy, inglorious / long to rain over us / morals from another, malignant universe / Gods give me strength ‘cos the pills aren’t working / I’ll do anything, Zeus – yeah, even twerking
I’m overwrought and out of time / hanging my words on the reading line / letting the sun and the air get to ‘em / maybe one day I’ll go back through ‘em
jim clayton 