poems

the stink that stank by dr streuth

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

whose sleazes
are theses?
I put it to you, sir
you do as you pleases!
to me and to you
and to them and to meses!
you do SUCH harm, sir
with your dirty palm greasing
austerity severity!
services freezing!
your public fund plundering
and sundry seizing!
increasing policing
justice deceasing
I’m telling you, sir
it is MOST displeasing!
(oh why oh WHY
is not justice unleashing?)

(the poem ends here as the door’s kicked in; Police 1 and Police 2 rush in to arrest Dr Streuth for planning a public nuisance)

something in the air

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

the patient I’m visiting – Valerie
sits in a room the size of a gallery
stiff as a bored security guard
or a life-like exhibit called ‘life is hard’

I say : your house is pretty colossal!
yes, she says, it used to be a brothel
which explains all the architectural quirks
the rooms where all the girls used to work

just then her staffie, Rick, runs in
dragging a teddy bear after him
the teddy is easily twice his size
matted, with a desperate look in its eyes

Rick drops the teddy and straightaway jumps it
arches his back and starts to hump it
Rick! snaps Valerie – then to me:
something in the air, unfortunately

one man and his … where’s my dog?

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

let’s make one thing clear
it wasn’t MY idea
to go on the walk
in fact I baulked
when I looked outside and saw the weather
the rain had stopped raining the water was draining but whatever
you’d have to say it was still pretty soaking
if you’re thinking of exercise you must be joking
so I’d have preferred to defer the whole thing
but no
Stanley plainly wanted to go
whining and mithering like a so-and-so
so
I finally conceded
speedily clipped on the lead and proceeded

but was he happy?
basically
no

over the fields he acted distracted
like a haunted dog that could only be contacted
by ouija board or canine shaman
‘cos I kept on calling his name and
clearly it was having zero effect
no rapport, no connect
between master and dog, man and beast
I mean – he could’ve given me a nod at least
but every sniff was a full blown retreat

when we finally made the hill
he kept on hanging back until
I was forced to march up the slope to fetch him
like ten minutes walking had over-stretched him
I mean maybe something else upset him
but WHAT?
the nearest dog was just a dot
on the horizon
I was none the wiser
and neither
was Stan
he didn’t even want the treat in my hand
deaf and blind to all my whistling
stubbornly resisting
any attempt
to tempt
him on
if I hadn’t run back and fastened the lead he’d be gone
who knows where
to a land of lost lurchers somewhere
over the rainbow
where bluebirds fly and dogs just lie all day in the window
staring out mournfully
sniffing at tripe sticks scornfully
like he’s treated despicably
till predictably
I give in and take him for a walk
and for no apparent reason he cuts it short

fine
next time
I’m totally getting a cat
nobody talks about walks and all that

whale song

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

you probably know this
but the right whale
is called the right whale
because whalers
found them easy to catch

in fact
they’ve been called
a lot of other things
during their long exposure
to humans:
black whales
seven-foot-bone whales
rocknose whales
sletbag
nordcaper
you name it

of course
the truth is
nothing in nature
has a name
names don’t exist
despite the ludicrous ideas
your parents had
all those long months
of your suspension
as you floated
wordlessly in space
waiting to breach

gangsters

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

I was born in Bethnal Green

back in the olden days

when everyone knew who everyone was

and everyone knew the Krays

mum said mind you keep schtum 

them boys are nothing but animals

but they never hurt kids or women 

‘an only knock off criminals

me brother was in the Beggar

the night they shot Cornell

Frank was a lucky fella 

an quite a big drinker as well

would I go back? I don’t know

times was hard back then

people come and people go

gangsters, the lot of ‘em

what you waste your time reading about when you should be working

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

Ladies and gentlemen: The Velociraptor
a dinosaur with the wow factor
like Spielberg took his famous shark
and dumped it in Jurassic Park
(clever girl said poor Bob Peck
just before he got totally wrecked
as they used their claws to good effect
just feeling peckish I suspect )
but I looked ‘em up in National Geographic
who says their description is problematic
for one thing the creature was covered in feathers
not quite so mean as a villain in leathers
also they didn’t hunt in packs
so poor Bob Peck could’ve probably relaxed
they were actually the size of beefed-up turkey
a little less evil, a little more quirky
(and I don’t know if it’s particularly relevant
they could run as fast as an African elephant)
so all in all they’ve had a bad press
but they’re all extinct so they couldn’t care less
just a raptor supremely adapted
(and I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted)

eulogy at the pyre

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

poor gaia’s
getting tired
of being hard-wired
to expire
like a cheap air fryer
by CEOs who aspire
to retire
on the slick, plump profits
from the pumps and sumps and oil deposits

I mean – sure – they could stop it
if the companies didn’t block it
with the politicians in their pocket
sucking up dollar while mother earth cops it
protecting profits
arresting prophets
(I mean – WHY do they have to be SO catastrophic?
pessimistic, unrealistic
they haven’t a clue about economics
and anyway who really GIVES a shit
about Professor Whatever and their doomy statistics?
the city and the country’s sick of it
why don’t they quit?
cut their hair and use some lipstick?
get a job and be done with it?
absolutely doolally, totally dipshit
just leave the climate to us – okay? – we’ll fix it)

so
no
it’s not the air con
that’s making the hairs on
my neck stand up
it’s the thought
we’ve been brought
to the precipice
by a lloyd’s list
of blue chip companies in our midst
CEOs, shareholders, hedge fund people
their sneaky ecocide above board and legal
annual reports somewhere north of lethal
compromised beyond retrieval
the world in upheaval
till we all end up lost to a life medieval
cooked by degrees
in the cinder breeze
while leafless trees
slowly break and collapse in heaps
fragile as – I don’t know – deep fried churros
while the bones of dogs n’cows n’burros
litter the pitiful city plains
end time survivors hiding out in drains
the end of the world at last complete
(and all for the sake of a balance sheet)

(don’t fear) the spiral

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

okay it’s final / like Tory chlamydia insidiously viral / a bullshit quote from a bullshit bible / thou shalt protect the economy from the wage-price spiral / I’m sorry my child it’s financial survival / your valiant economic compliance is vital / attempting parity will meet with denial

okay I get it / if you work in the public sector you’re a credit / except when it comes to money – forget it / if you get that percentage you’ll only regret it / it’s like mission impossible – if you choose to accept it / take endless wage cuts and get by on credit / inflation will kill us all if you let it

but how is the public sector to blame? / their wages have pretty much stayed the same / while prices everywhere took a big hike / it’s like putting the cart before the bike / (I said that for the rhyme – I meant ‘horse’) / where the horse is half-crazy on oats of course / and the cart’s overloaded with the rich / who can’t figure out why progress has glitched / and society’s tanking since the switch / and the horse is mad so they try to unhitch / and (hopefully) end up tipped in a ditch

years of austerity – who was most hit? / hmm let me think about that a bit / yep – congrats – I think you guessed it / billionaires made fortunes but didn’t invest it / and then the pandemic / corruption endemic / Tory incompetence truly anthemic / war in Ukraine / expensive campaigns / and oh how surprising it’s still the same / public workers take the strain / because corporations have their margins to maintain

so step outside and clap the carers / cute key workers and shit job bearers / hopeless, hapless blue glove wearers / we honestly applaud your brave endeavours / you really are such national treasures / just don’t ask for a living wage ‘cos it scares us

climate small change

~ jim clayton ~ Leave a comment

city smog? forest flares?
no more fish or birds or bears?
I really can’t afford to care
with portfolios of stocks and shares

rising oceans? drowning islands?
scarcity and civil violence?
all I need’s a little silence
to itemise my gold and diamonds

floods and cyclones? fire and famine?
riot squads with water canons?
look – I’m awfully sorry it happens
collecting art’s my only passion

increasing climate instability?
global unsurvivability?
none of it really bothers me
in my underground facility