when do i get to vote

I’m down and out /  crawling about / okay? / c’est vrai / at the end of the day / I’m just a schleich sheepdog in a margarine manger of hay / I should be better than this / I’m l’artiste sans piss / I’m all like gimme this / I’m the polar opposite of stoked / I’m croaked & choked / licence revoked / I’m the loser geezer in the blazer / with the dodgy tazer / I’m a look-a-like martin sheen / in a manky martin sheen machine / I’m lady debrett and her avatar annette / I’m bernard the barbarian / haggling with some scurfy antiquarian / over a dodgy old sword / we both know I can’t afford / I’m a fag flick / at the no-go promo pic / I’m ten good reasons to get out quick / I’m pete the dragon’s younger brother dave / who never made it out the cave / but hid safely out back / living on chilli cheetos & other fiery snacks / but hey / anyway / who’s to say what success is? / I’ve seen way bigger messes / and since when did they put you in charge of facts? / just relax / max / the clams of contentment are down in the ooze / filter feeding on fake news / and other random effluvia / I’ve got nothin to prove ta ya / just take a ticket and get in line / I’ll make it over when I got the time

fake poem

i’m a work in progress, i’m under construction
i’m a graduate of ‘98, class of alien abduction
i’m a slicker in silks, i’m rapturously frugal
i’m a sucker fish clamped to the tailpipe of google
i’m dermabrasion, mastopexy, augmentation, tuck
i’m the last of the great white rhinos run out of luck
i’m simon stylites raving on his pillar
i’m a discount david cast in polyfilla
i’m a bargain bucket of WTF, i’m trader joe’s, i’m walmart
i’m garfield the cat played by humphrey bogart
i’m a marshall for the boot parade, i’m gates & jobs, i’m sony
i’m optimus prime versus my little pony
i’m jack of all trades, master of nantucket
i’m the clack-handed crabs at the bottom of your bucket
i’m CIA and SIS, i’m wiretap and bug
i’m mr t gone to seed, i’m POTUS sans rug
i’m the con in confusion, i’m the platinum G in twenty
i’m the marionette on the barbecue who says he owes you plenty


who knows what the truth is
and who on earth’s to blame
just give me a shot of whatever you’ve got
and hell – i’ll do the same