a miscellany of tory dinosaurs

Borisaurus
Thick hide
nothing much inside
except poorly digested ratings
talks about great things
does nothing
too busy stuffing
itself with slogans and crap
one eye on the bank account one on the map
often in a flap
never around to take the rap
stomps and chomps
around the swamp
wears
its hair
in a tousled flop
for all the world like a comedy prop
okay stop
it’s too depressing
at this point a meteor would be quite refreshing

Reesmoggaladon
Unfeasibly tall
no discernible heart at all
the haughtiest of the sauropods
still around despite the odds

Pritipateliraptor
The opposite of delightful
its sharp teeth frightful
carnivorous to the point of spiteful
in summary: brutal
resistance is futile
(at least – that’s what it WANTS you to think
dropping its g’s and dressing in pink
but actually
it’s factually
wide of the mark
the laughing stock of Jurassic Park)

status update XIV

I’m Abraham to Isaac / son – this sucks / but God wants you dead so jump up on the truck / and Issac curses & wriggles like fuck / but dad’s quite the knotsman and he’s plum out of luck / and after a while they get to the rock / and Abe produces a shiv from his sock / to go full Sweeney on his son but stops / because God comes rushing in like the TV cops / and says Abe you da best / this was all just a test / there’s a ram to your left / be my guest / so Abraham merks some random sheep / and they both go home but his son can’t sleep

I’m Where’s Wally? / in a giant, non-compliant paint factory / his scarf just a part of the bustling scenery / zero hours health & safety / as he smiles and waves behind some dangerous machinery / when suddenly / a grabber that favours stripes disproportionately / picks him up appallingly / and parcels him up brutally / so NOW Where’s Wally? / THERE he is! – immobilised on a trolley / ten hours and counting in A&E, unfortunately

I’m Besos and Kirk / riding a shiny cock rocket to work / in space no-one can hear you twerk

I’m Jacob Rees-Mogg / that tweedy old dog / Lord Snooty specs and Fauntleroy fizzog / tossing back the chestnuts and eggnog / the naughty nibbles and such / leaning on Little Cratchett’s crutch / whilst he chuckles at the news / about all the food bank queues / while his offspring peruse / the latest share price reviews / but nanny knows what his weaknesses are / she’s waiting patiently out in the car / with a paddle and a bat / and a snug leather hat / nanny knows everything / mogg did a bad thing / he’d better get ready for some punishing