status update XIV

I’m Abraham to Isaac / son – this sucks / but God wants you dead so jump up on the truck / and Issac curses & wriggles like fuck / but dad’s quite the knotsman and he’s plum out of luck / and after a while they get to the rock / and Abe produces a shiv from his sock / to go full Sweeney on his son but stops / because God comes rushing in like the TV cops / and says Abe you da best / this was all just a test / there’s a ram to your left / be my guest / so Abraham merks some random sheep / and they both go home but his son can’t sleep

I’m Where’s Wally? / in a giant, non-compliant paint factory / his scarf just a part of the bustling scenery / zero hours health & safety / as he smiles and waves behind some dangerous machinery / when suddenly / a grabber that favours stripes disproportionately / picks him up appallingly / and parcels him up brutally / so NOW Where’s Wally? / THERE he is! – immobilised on a trolley / ten hours and counting in A&E, unfortunately

I’m Besos and Kirk / riding a shiny cock rocket to work / in space no-one can hear you twerk

I’m Jacob Rees-Mogg / that tweedy old dog / Lord Snooty specs and Fauntleroy fizzog / tossing back the chestnuts and eggnog / the naughty nibbles and such / leaning on Little Cratchett’s crutch / whilst he chuckles at the news / about all the food bank queues / while his offspring peruse / the latest share price reviews / but nanny knows what his weaknesses are / she’s waiting patiently out in the car / with a paddle and a bat / and a snug leather hat / nanny knows everything / mogg did a bad thing / he’d better get ready for some punishing

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