I’m Mr Old Testament / adjusting my robes, questioning the experiment / out of touch, out of my element / high in the sky in my hipster beard and shit / finally admitting it / this is one unholy mess and I’m quitting it / having a messy, messianic fit / that’s me in the corner, losing my religion / the Cook’s gone crazy in the heavenly kitchen / losing His purpose / losing His focus / wondering what’s left to serve – plagues or locusts

I’m a butcher in Gucci, a gangster in spats / I’m Mikhail Mouse in Armani combats / fancy that? / no – not really / I mean that most sincerely / I’m tired of these unsolicited dictator pics / why are people still such gluttons / for autocrats posing with fingers on buttons? / bad boys in the media / political toxaemia / Putin the boot in to Wikipedia / rebranding Russian social media / Instagrim, TikCop, Erasebook, Twister / putting the bad in vlad and the misery in mister / the winters hard and cruel and slow / while Putin jigs like old Gepetto / flattening countries and torching ghettos / carving out his malign portfolio / Boris Johnson as Political Pinocchio / I’m a reeeeaalll boy / but who gets annoyed / when his nose grows so big he can’t avoid / everyone laughing when he waffles and rambles / his hair in a shambles / his Russian strings in such terrible tangles / he strangles / anyone so dim / to think of standing close to him

I’m an influencer pirate / swinging in for selfies at the latest riot / fifteen cops on a dead man’s chest / yo ho ho and a kevlar vest / access all areas with a pass marked press / in a skull & crossbones party dress / pouting in amazement / setting things up on the flaming pavement / for some molotov cocktail product placement

I’m the creature from the black lagoon / who believed the hype and rose too soon / now I’m lying like a love-lorn loon / in a witness-protection motel room / staring at the parking lot. howling at the moon / missing the swamp, the buzz of mosquitos / living on Love is Blind and microwave burritos

Because everything always comes with a price / don’t read the small print, don’t think twice / from hammers and sickles to stars and stripes / lighting up the sleepless city nights / with heavy duty explosive delights / Lucy in the sky with cluster bombs / medals of gold, silver and bronze / provisioned bunkers for neo cons / but in the end what’ll we have to show for it? / the collapse of civilisation as we know it / some tragic, patriotic pageant queen / taking one last selfie in a submarine / somewhere off the Philippines / as the ice cap melts / the statue of liberty tilts / and everyone runs around screaming on stilts / and there’s nothing left to say / except Oyeh! Oyeh! / welcome to the last great segue / humanity’s ultimate passing-out parade / where one day / it’s headlines and military displays / the next it’s wastelands and tardigrades